Frayed
I am beginning a quest here today. Some of the women bloggers I follow online followed a prompt last month … 31 Days to: _______. Each lady chose a different goal; but one caught me and in my fear I didn’t follow fully and did not get in on it. Jennifer’s posts were too close to a journey I was procrastinating about … You can read all 31 of Jennifer’s beautiful posts right HERE!
What I didn’t realize, when I delved into the reality of joining, was that over 600 women bloggers had connected. So here I am, again, late to the prom … but maybe it needs to be this way so that I truly reach my goal.
This is the real me … very little editing; just some artistic textures to give the feel of an old photo; other than that this is the true Andrea {the HOPEannFAITH face of this blog} .
The Real Me
This is the me that God made, Fearfully and Wonderfully! Yet, I am continually trying to improve upon the Master’s work … make more of His plan.
I’ve come to a place of fatigue, where I have found that I am wearing myself out. Trying to find, understand or improve upon Me … What am I looking for, why do I need to be better?
I think it is a common issue for many today, primarily women. We’ve been thrust into a station in life that I now believe was never intended for us. We are the caretakers, the nuturers, in a world that requires us to be providers and protectors.
Oh God knew we’d end up here, He knew the end from the beginning … and He knew we’d be thrust here.
After the fall {you know, Adam, Eve and the Apple!} He began building again … a better thing, one that could not have existed without this foundation.
Being thrust into these unnatural rolls, I believe, bread into me, at least, this need to be seen and heard.
But I had been conditioned by a traumatic upbringing [and aren't all upbringings traumatic, in some respect?] to believe:
You are less than.
Worthless
Unlovable
Unworthy
Not to be seen or heard …
While I believe that motherhood and wifehood are truly what we were built for, we now function in a world that does not respect those positions.
Motherhood and being a wife were held in such respect once upon a time. Now it is pishawed and looked down upon as something not important. For those reasons I never prepared to be good at those things, they were lesser things in the eyes of my parents, my father, society.
To look upon it now, I know it to be a tragedy.
Now, I am a work from home jack of all trades! A secretary and writer and amateur photographer ~ seeking to be seen and heard, for my own glory!
My children are adults, and what is done is done there; I did ok, I think. They are their own men now and I strive to be my own woman; Mother is nolonger needed or wanted. I wish I had been more aware of the importance when I was needed … but my boys are the Men God created them to be …
Now the Me He Created!
Back to my need for glory …
Why??? Because I feel invisible and in that sense of invisibility I strive, to fatigue, to know Who I am!
What am I supposed to be doing?
Blessed with these gifts I struggle to make all of them shine, at the same time. Yet I feel as if I am getting nowhere … and that my voice is fading in the crowd … and the most terrible of these is …
feeling as if I am not as good as those I aspire to be … my writing – not good enough; my photography – too amateurish …
So I begin today … to be content with the blessings of this life of mine. To find in this, seemingly mundane, existance the path on which God intended me to walk.
I am seeking the Me He created … then I will be heard, I will share His Word, His way and I will be seen in the Glory of Him!
What is keeping you from the YOU He created?
What obsticle, today, is making you feel less than who He made you to be, causing you to attempt improvements on the Master(‘s) Plan?
Will you praise Him with me today? Because we’ve been fearfully and wonderfully made; [we] knowing full well; our hearts knowing, that wonderful is the work of His hand. ~ Psalm 139:14
Camille
November 3, 2011 at 3:00 am
Very interesting points. Thanks!
My blog:
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Jennifer
November 4, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Oh, Andrea, I love this! Bless you!! I will be praying for you through this! It is going to be a wonderful road, rich with His good plans for you– and for all His girls, as we are gathered up, in His truth. Thank you!
Hopeannfaith
November 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Jennifer,
Thank you, for the encouragement and the support and the companionship we will share along this path He has set us upon.
This may come off weird, as we barely know one another, but I feel our hearts are connected and God introduced us here for a reason. Kindred Spirits … Spiritual Sisters.
Thank you!
Patti James Bloom
November 4, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Blessing hopeannfaith well worded to express the journey i too am on. trusting God as much as i can muster day to day and yet never quite enough.Love in Christ Pattib
Hopeannfaith
November 4, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Patti, join me (us) there are many on this quest … share with us through your blog or in comments and we will do this together!
Thank you for visiting my blog and blessings to you, as we travel this path and get to know one another!
Andrea
Holly Green
November 10, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Aww! Just know God loves you just like you are!