Hopeannfaith’s Emotion well…

Pensive: 

pensive

Pronunciation: \ˈpen(t)-siv\ Function: adjective

Etymology:

Middle English pensif, from Anglo-French, from penser to think, from Latin pensareto ponder, frequentative of pendere to weigh

Date: 14th century

1 : musingly or dreamily thoughtful 2 : suggestive of sad thoughtfulness— pen·sive·ly adverb — pen·sive·ness noun

suggestive of sad thoughtfulness.

I am not used to sadness. I don’t believe I’ve ever felt this. I don’t mean I’m devoid of the emotion, I mean I believe I may have filtered the sadness. Filtered it through anger, fear, loss, acceptance. Acceptance through anger, things were what they were going to be. On the surface I appeared to understand that I couldn’t change things. And now…

Well, that’s it! In the well of hopeannfaith there was the desperate hope that I could do something correctly enough to get their acceptance, their love, possible respect. The well of hopeannfaith is apparently bottomless. A cavernous depth of emotions, fears, unrealistic hopes, misplaced need. Oh! This is going to be difficult! How will I survive this transformation? It feels unending and impossible.

 

Mark 10:27  New American Standard Bible(NASB)
27Looking at them, Jesus said, “^(A)With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.” 

God is my Shepard, I shall not want…

So why do I want those things floating in the well? Drifting as if in suspended animation, experiencing sensory deprivation! That is why I don’t recognize the feeling, the sensations of sadness! The sense was deprived, I suspended it in the well, where the memory of this ache could not enter my heart.

This feels like an emptiness that echos in my spirit. It vibrates at a low and steady frequency, causing memories and hopes to surface, float to the edge of the well water. I don’t know what to do with this, new, yet familiar in an immature way.

I’ll have to investigate it.

Thank you God for renewal. Thank you that what you reveal, you remove! I think I’m ready for this. Let’s try this fearless inventory of Hopeannfaith’s emotion well…

In Jesus’ Name, AMEN.