Sad…

My heart continues to ache. Loss, the only thing that has allowed this infernal feeling to surface! There are questions, many questions.

1. Why my kids?

I mean wasn’t it enough that I had to go through the ringer all these years? Why my heart of hearts?????

2. If things have to be the way they are, how come we are built this way? I mean why do we need to feel all things?

3. Who thought up the idea of Loss? Why must we lose the good things, and why does it seem that the things that remain are the dredges?

4. If I am growing, why do I feel so very small?

5. If I am so mature, why do I feel so vunerable?

6. I know this will fade, but when will it stop?

7. I understand that I am better off with things the way they are going, but if that is so, why does it feel so terribly bad?

8. Can your heart break and still hold this much without ever being empty?

9. How?

10. Do the cracks in the clay pot fill in stronger than the original?

11. Or does the clay pot become weaker?

Well that is just a few questions from an aching heart. Answers are unnecessary, really. Just a release from the pain of thinking these things I guess. Oh! how I still hurt. I can’t imagine how the kids are feeling.