Let it rain…

Ecclesiates 3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

THE FMF PROMPT: RAIN…GO.

Here on the East Coast of the U.S., It’s been swelteringly hot and humid.  To swelter is to be uncomfortably hot, a nice way of saying it’s been hot and heavy as h……. 😳

The heaviness of the air truly wants to let the moisture go and we sure prayed for any relief at all. Just a breeze or a quick sun shower, though the sun was hidden behind the gloomy haze.

The heaviness in the air reminded me of my emotions. Three years and I’ve learned to gather all those tears inside of me. All the emotions stored and threatening to burst at any moment. This causes me to isolate which is easy because everyone has their own lives and I spent the majority of my time alone. It may be a rut…a three year rut. Or it may just be the slow rhythm of my life now. In isolation those tears can rain freely and the release like the cooling rain on a sweltering day, sooths the land of my broken heart.

Grieving and mourning are used interchangeably while they really are not. I’m at the grieving part, it is the part of this emotional place done internally. In private, its the part of this process one can only do alone, and its the part that is forever. There is eternity here on earth, in our hearts. I vowed to love for eternity. Both my children and my husband and Jesus. The Word does say that God put eternity in the hearts of man…

Ecclesiastes 3 ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

STOP.

It’s raining here today. Finally. Temps have decreased in double digits. And somehow my emotions have balanced with the barometric pressure, for today anyway.

I find it interesting how our bodies and minds are affected by the weather. The Lord has truly made our bodies and this earth and her atmosphere amazing! I’m continually in awe of the perfection of all of God’s creations. God is truly sovereign and mighty in all things.

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read. God Bless.

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Where’s the joy …

Hope & Joy

If the joy of the Lord is my strength, I sometimes wonder where the joy is, because I feel so weary and weak.

But … they say this is to be expected. I’m in mourning after all is said and done.

It’s funny … in an odd, un-haha fashion, that I look at the calendar some days and count the days he’s been gone. I think it’s probably odd that a wife knows the exact time of her love’s last breath and heart beat … 12:30 am. I don’t think I’ve gone to sleep before 12:30 am on any day since My Love went home to the Lord.

Maybe it’s not insomnia. Maybe it’s some odd internal clock thing that has to wind itself down into a new normal.

New … sounds nice, right? To me it’s like a present I have no desire to open, because in my heart of hearts, truth be told, I want what I had before.

A comfortable and lived in life with the man God chose for me.

You see nothing is comfortable these days. Living is a surface thing, I skirt around my days and I do what needs doing and I behave like I am supposed to behave. But something is missing.

It echos in the early morning sun and feels hollow and alone in the late of the night.

A friend and I figured it out … there’s no joy right now.

I do things I “like” to do and feel nothing really. I’m just doing them …

I eat foods I “loved” and nothing … I eat to nourish my body and give it the fuel it needs to do those things I’m just doing. Right now I’m best when I am busy; so God has sent the jobs.

I am so thankful that My God is faithful to me, always. And I so don’t deserve His devotion.

This photo I posted, from my trail walks I do weekly, is lovely right? I see the beauty all around me and capture it for memories. I see the beauty. I appreciate the beauty. But I long for the joyful sensation of that beauty.

The scripture says I have much to write … OH, I do!

But that I don’t want to use paper and ink … I’d rather it be face to face, completing our joy.

“So that our joy may be complete.”

I know that in the coming months and years happiness, joy and my comfortable lifestyle will return. But today I find myself talking to God and admitting that if I were to go home to the Lord today that would be okay. I have a twinge of sadness with that reality in that I’m thinking of missing my children and friends … but being face to face with My Love again … that would definitely complete my joy!

(NO! I am not suicidal! Relax my sweet reading friends!)

I guess for me this is my way of sorting through the veils of this grief of mine.

I dreamt last night and My Love spoke to me … it’s lingering is at the same time comforting and painful in it’s ripple. I guess in my dream I was looking for answers, so I will let God sort out the dream’s misting ripples and I’ll get my answers from Him.

In the mean time …. when I am mindful of it, I will choose to find God’s joy in my world.

I will choose to see the beauty of sun rays bouncing off of dew drops as joy.

Dew Drop Tears

I will choose to hear the joy in an others laughter and see the beauty of joy in a smile.

Until I go to eternity I have much to write and share … but I’d rather it all be face to face, with God and My Love, in the JOY of the Lord … wherein is my strength.

Loving him to eternity ❤

Thanks for indulging my words and God bless.