I.Pray. | A Wife’s Testimony

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

when we don’t feel safe where do we go?

Go …

This is the testimony of the wife and mother of two who are seriously afflicted with life threatening illnesses. Honestly I am writing this in preparation of the teaching/testimony I have to give tomorrow morning at my church’s Women’s Fellowship Breakfast. And it’s not been the greatest of months for me.

I don’t think people, even those closest, notice that things are as bad as they are or can be, some days. They see me weathering the storm at church or bible studies or family gatherings and they either express that I am so strong or they just ask how my husband is. And for some, I can see that they hope my answer is quick and doesn’t require much from them. That sounds harsh, but it is not meant to be. I am well aware that they don’t know what to say or do and frankly there is nothing they can say or do. They just don’t know that that is okay.

And some days I notice that I need to talk, and some days that means me talking to God. Because, he’s the only one who can do anything about all of this …

STOP … This post took way more than 5 minutes and edits. After all it’s the draft of a testimony presentation on a really hard subject.

My testimony.

I am the wife of a wonderful man, who is battling cancer and the mother of a hurting man, who is battling heroin addiction; and I do this simultaneously and not always well.

I am simply doing the next right thing on a moment to moment basis, sometimes. Definitely the last month.

My husband has been through 2 different, months long, rounds of chemo. Taking up what is slowly becoming 2 years.

The first round to eradicate a mass that had infiltrated and completely blocked his left lung; which was found to have rendered the lung nonfunctional. He didn’t even feel it not working until he caught an upper respiratory illness, which started this season in our lives. From September 2013 to February 2014 he had chemo and radiation every two weeks. The mass decreased with each CAT scan and he came to the end of this round with full use of the lung! Success! Right?

Not according to the doctors. Because a VERY little piece of the cancer had “escaped” to the liver. With this the treatments were rendered a failure.

REALLY?! But … he has full use of the lung! Really. According to their protocol.

NOT our GOD though!

So in June, after a biopsy,  he went back into chemo; radiation was not an option for the liver. So from March to September 2014 my husband endured some very hard chemo treatments.

All the time he only got ill twice with nausea and once with something he caught. He lost his hair twice and suffered most from fatigue and feelings of weakness; oh and frustration driven moodiness!

He came out of the last round of chemo and the CAT scan showed that the “original” spot(s) were smaller, but that other lesions had developed.

Another fail, according to the doctors and the protocols.

And all the while this man of mine was vibrantly himself except for a few naps here and there.

So now he’s [we are] setting up for a clinical trial.

And with all this our youngest son is having a daily battle with heroin and he fell.

So that’s the story … what’s my testimony? I still don’t know how to put that into words.

I’m having trouble telling my story because I don’t feel as if I’m doing anything extraordinary. I’m just flexing with the new needs of my wife-hood and motherhood. Like I said, I try to do the next right thing and sometimes I fail miserably.

I started out with the boy being an addict. Something we’ve been dealing with for the last couple of years. At first it was just drug use, then it turned into what it is today; full on addiction to one of the worst drugs on the street. I learned to deal in the “tough love” arena. Tough love, I think, is harder on the parent, because it feels not only as if you are doing nothing, it feels as if you are abandoning your child. The good thing is that the boy is clean and doing well, so the love isn’t so tough when cancer entered and life got a different kind of  hard.

So I’m doing this thing by rote and …

The doctors say cancer and they are acting as if they are delivering a death sentence. Cold and clinical … cancer, here’s a referral.

Head spinning, heart breaking and tears like a waterfall gushing out of control … I start this new season. I pray. I cry. I wake up in the middle of the night and pray while I lean over to see if my husband is breathing.

Before the diagnosis his breathing was a given. I didn’t think about it, like I don’t think about my own. Now all of a sudden I have death in my head! And I hear (now) …

Be careful what you hear …

This doesn’t feel like faith to me, so I pray more.

I.AM.A.MESS.

But then things take on a routine … The Hubs is doing fine, he’s feeling okay and we get into this new groove. But the groove doesn’t feel right. It feels like acceptance of something that is not of God. And I hear …

What you tolerate you accept. And I pray.

So I pray and The Hubs and I talk about it. We talk about a lot of things. Somewhere we begin to discuss the fact that he is going to refuse anymore chemo.

I.AM.A.MESS. … Again.

DO NOTHING?! What!? Can we really do nothing?! Is nothing what we should have done all along??

A.MESS.

I just need this all to stop and then the boy falls down. He’s using.

I.PRAY.

So what’s the testimony? Hey, I still don’t know if this is even a testimony! Maybe it’s a lesson on the reality of what a wife/mother does during a health struggle of a loved one.

I.Pray.

That’s what I do. I go to every appointment, I drive the boy to every court date and P.O. meeting. And I pray.

I go to God at the end of everyday. Because I don’t always hold it together well some days. In fact my comfortable day to day no longer exists.

I get depressed. I get angry (not at God); angry at doctors, protocols, cancer and heroin. I yell and I cry and sometimes I reject the encouragement of others trying to help me, when they don’t know what else to do.

I am often A.MESS. And you know what?

That is not a lack of faith. It is not a crisis of faith. It is not anger at God.

It is reality. And it is normal and it is okay! Even God accepts it, after all He knew what He was asking me to do when He created me. And He knew how I would handle it.

So … I pray.

What do I pray? Well if you read this blog regularly you know I am really into praying God’s Word. Can’t go wrong praying God’s promises or what He says about things. Yes. It’s the easy way. It may even be cheating … but hey, God gave me the answers so …

I.Pray. the answers.

I’m going to post a list of scriptures I use to keep me from trying to make deals with and/or manipulate God and His will. Because if there are a few things that I REALLY believe it’s …

God’s got this.

God has a plan.

And WE WERE healed.

These are scriptures that I, and our friends, regularly pray over my husband and son. These scriptures can be used by anyone for anything, obviously! 1 John 4:4; Isaiah 53:5; Isaiah 54:17; Psalm 118:14; Psalm 103:2; Jeremiah 30:17; Nahum 1:9 and Luke 5:17.

O’ Lord this man.
We declare and decree the Word of God.
“Greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world.”
“By His stripes you are healed.”
“No weapon formed against you shall prosper.”
“You shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord.”
“Don’t forget the benefits of God. He heals all our diseases.”
“The Lord will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds.”
“Affliction will not rise up a second time.”
“The power of the Lord is present to heal you.”

The Power of the Lord is present to heal you! Isn’t that wonderful?

I also rely heavily upon Psalm 91, because it contains EVERY promise God made to us! EVERY.ONE. It reassures my heart and clears my mind.

1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler[a]
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

That’s my testimony! That I know, no matter what has taken place on any day, at any appointment, that the Power of the Lord is present to heal! That’s how I do this … that no matter my level of fear or anger …I.KNOW.GOD. and I.Pray.Thanks for reading. God bless.

I Tell YOU the Truth |Tues. @ 10

Happy Tuesday … Where we, a growing group of creatives get a prompt word meant to spark creativity in the heart of the writer, or the photographer, or artist, in them. Just about a week is given for the creator to create from this word and all that is asked is that you share and check out what your neighbor in the link up list did with the prompt. You’ll be surprised at how often we are all led on the same path!

Tuesday @ Ten

 

Today’s Tuesday Prompt is …. Truth.

“I tell you the truth …”

Jesus is quoted as saying that phrase 78 times in the New Testament! 78 … that’s a lot of truth, but that is part of why he came to earth as a man. To testify to the Truth of God. More interesting: 30 of those truths were recorded just in the book of Matthew.

To tell you the truth, we need healing in our house. A lot of healing. And today I am having a very hard time with the information we got from the doctors at The Hubs’ last two visits. In  my head, and usually in my heart, I know and cannot be moved away from the knowledge that we WERE healed by Jesus’ sacrifice, for US, on the cross. This is knowledge in our home.

It is Truth in our home.

Lord, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! Mark 9:24 (my prayer, taken from the same story but in the book of Mark.)

Matthew 17:14-23

The Healing of a Boy with a demon: also — Mk 9:14-28; Lk 9:37-42

14 When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. 15 “Lord, have mercy on my son,” he said. “He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. 16 I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.” 17 “O unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” 18 Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment. 19 Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” 20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” 22 When they came together in Galilee, he said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. 23 They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.” And the disciples were filled with grief.

*****

 This causes me concern about my faith. And if I’m having a crisis of faith right now, it’s not my faith in God’s promise of healing! It’s about my level of faith being hammered at almost daily for over a year. I thank God that it is His faith that works in and through me and not a faith that I must maintain on my own!

I said to my husband last night, in heartbroken, absolute truth, that it is so hard to hear these things and look at him vibrantly himself. It rocks me that he can be virtually well yet this thing can be inside of him trying to kill him! I told him that I wouldn’t be having such a hard time with his decision to NOT do anything about what they were telling us (he’s decided to refuse anymore chemo; but is willing to consider clinical trials for experimental drugs.) if he were ill and suffering. Somehow it would be easier to just quietly sit back in my sorrow about his refusal.

But, like he says, the chemo doesn’t seem to be doing anything (reminder to self: chemo is poison, not medicine!) can doing nothing really be worse?

And my wife/mother screams in my head … WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! Yet, the truthful questions is: Do we? or Does God?

The amazing truth is he looks great! He feels and functions almost at his norm, except for some fatigue.

It’s amazing, as much as the schedule and the chemo stressed him and fatigued him, I’ll say it again, he did not experience what we all hear about and see on TV, or what others seem to have experienced with their loved ones.

No days of pain and suffering. No horrible, wasting illness. No vomiting and not being able to eat. None of that.

And it is for those very “NOs” that we remain faithful to God’s assurances of The Hubs’ healing.

And then the doctors tell us “their” truth. So when we were told what we were told yesterday their truth rocked my truth. So to decided to do nothing is beyond my scope right now.

The truth is, though, that it is ultimately my husband’s, and God’s, decision. Though I did honestly tell him that while I support his decision he needs to keep in mind that he [they] is making life altering decisions for both our lives.

Truthfully. I believe God. The Hubs looks and feels great, though right now, today, he is angry and frustrated that all this year’s work and treatments seem to have been for naught. We believe, we know, that God has healed him. That God is bigger than the doctors reports and tests and protocols.

Yet today’s Truth is that I am spent. I posted for all our loved ones and friends in the faith and prayer that we were home and were moving forward for the possibility of the clinical trial, and most took that as the good news that it is. But like the chemo (which isn’t curative or even really a medicine) the trial medications are unproved and may be non-curative either. It’s a clinical trial. The doctors and manufacturers have high hopes and so do we.

The truth is …. I am ready for the manifestation of healing in Hutchland. I am ready to stop feeling like I have to be waiting for the next report.

I am ready for the doctors and the world to understand the Truth, that …

Only God heals. Jesus is the only cure.

Like The Hubs says and stands by: The doctors are not curing him, God is. The doctors cannot heal him, only God can.

So today I will continue to recite that … Only God. Only Jesus. He is our cure. He is our doctor. He is our healer.

 I’m going to add here today’s attempt at my memorization of Psalm 27: 1 & 2 … here goes!

1. The Lord is my light and my strength; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

2.When the wicked came against me The to eat up my flesh, My enemies all fell  and foes, they stumbled and fell.

Not too bad for the second day of adding verse two!

I thought that Psalm 27 fit this post, truthfully. These two verses are a big part of what I am and will be focusing on in regard to our current circumstances here in Hutchland.

I refuse to allow the enemy to kill my two men (the second being my youngest. I wrote a post on Sunday about my son’s struggle here.)

Quite frankly it’s been a very trying couple of weeks for this wife and mother.

Thanks for reading. Blessings to you, all.

How God Assures Me He’s On It :: A Much Needed Sunday Healing

Sweet, Sad Eyed Boy

This is my sweet boy. My youngest. My sad little guy. And OH how he had reason for that sweet, sad look. And OH how I sometimes, still, ache for my blindness.

The Man

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the man… angry and battling his demons. Very scary demons. And OH how I dreamed of reaching that sweet boy who was hidden in that angry man. I was incapable of reaching into him, to the boy. He wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t, still am not allowed to even hug him. It’s truly heartbreaking for me. And I’m sure his heart is broken. But He battles daily with his illness, his addiction. Heroin. And even when he stumbles, slips and falls flat out; he gets back up to battle. He’s superman in his head. He still thinks he needs to be I think. Because, I couldn’t protect him, because he couldn’t tell me … until they did, when they were barely in grade school … and the man (teen) you see above hid the sweet boy. Seemingly forever.

He fell this week. Wasn’t able to recover from an apparent stumble and now he starts over again. And my heart is broken watching him be sick. Very sick as he starts to stand back up to this illness, this craving, whose whole intent is to kill that sweet boy he has hidden in his heart.

This is him at the beginning of the last run of sobriety. Tired but strong. He’ll be there again.

And I know this because God and I met in worship this morning at church. I started the day very worried about my sweet boy, who hasn’t been so sweet these last few days. He was sick and in pain and irritable. I mean who wouldn’t be when they felt sick; I certainly am not fun when I am ill. But this is different.

There’s nothing I can do. And if I do something I am jeopardizing his life by enabling him. He has to walk out the withdrawl himself. He has to want to feel better. He has to choose between sobriety  and oblivion.

Unlike the cancer his father battles, the boy chose his illness. Chose oblivion over the demons of something he had no say in and I had no knowledge of. The demons who continue to tell him it was his fault. The demons that tell him I should have known. The demons who tell him he’s superman and he can live through the dangerous choices. The demons who tell him no one loves him because he’s unlovable now. This monster heroin quiets the demons I imagine. But then they begin to rustle again and bite … I cannot fathom the pain, though I experience his pain and suffering while he battles the withdrawl and fights for the breath of air that sobriety brings him.

As I sang praises to God today. As I worshiped the Father that promises to heal us. I cried out and from the depth of this mother’s heart and soul I sought my God’s assistance for my sweet boy. And God assured me that with that relinquishing, once again, of my boy to His care, that the boy, the man, would be healed.

During this song, as the lead singer of our worship band and assistance pastor sang this favorite, God met me in my aching for my sweet boy. I quieted and prayed for him and for The Hubs and was assured that He had them, that their healings were imminent, promised. And I quieted into the precious peace of the music, in Father’s presence.

You see, I’ve realized that the enemy has put a hit out on this family. Two of my men are battling grave illnesses, and the boy does not know the promises we believe! So I, WE, as a family must believe for him. He does not know that heroin addiction cannot kill him, as his father knows the cancer cannot kill him, though we tell him.

The boy does not know, as the father does, that because we believe, he is saved from his illnesses and cleansed of his sins, sins that are not even his own, but believes to be. The boy doesn’t believe that Jesus loved him so much that he took the heroin needle for him to the cross and died there with that illness upon Him! So we must believe and pray until the boy understands his worth to the Father.

And what mother, father and brother wouldn’t do this for a boy, for a man?

Oh how I wish the boy believed that he would live. Oh how I wish the boy believed he is loved beyond his mother’s ability to put it in words. Oh how I wish he knew the joy I get when he is well and smiles and is a participating member of this family. A participating member in his own life.

So I leave this post as another prayer to God. It holds no scripture, only a song of worship and praise to our Father God expressing my love and honor to him. I leave it as proof that I acknowledge His response to my need, my boy’s need, this morning. And I thank him again and again, without end that my sweet boy is starting to feel better and is two or three (I’m not sure) days back on the road of sobriety.

To every parent of a child who battles the illness of addiction, or any illness for that matter, I sing this song for you and your child. I pray that God vanquish this demon and send it to hell from whence it came, and I put the enemy and heroin under the feet of Jesus.

We are healed. Our children are healed. Our land is healed. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Thanks for listening to this outpouring of a mother’s heart.

The sweet boy’s mom. =)

Still … In Five Minutes |FMF

Welcome to my FMF post. Where I join Kate and the others in blogging from my heart for 5 minutes; unhindered by the need to edit or corrections. Just my heart to yours on this fine Friday. You can either follow the FMF link in the sentence above or hop on over to how it works from the button on my side bar! Join us!

His Laughter – My Favorite Sound.

Today’s Prompt is: Still. So lets ….

Today I honor this man, The Hubs.

If you’ve frequented my blog you know who he is because I mention him often! ❤ Today is his birthday!

So today I honor the most honest man I’ve ever known. He changed my life almost 26 years ago! Wow … 26 years. I actually met him when I was 19 (and thought he was old.) but our worlds would become one when I was 24.

This man’s honesty, integrity and character are evident in him everyday, without fail. It thank God that He made me discerning enough to choose the man He sent for me, and me for him.

I am awed by this man’s strength and dignity in all things, and I could not love him more. That is until tomorrow comes and I realize a new and wonderful thing in him.

O’ Lord this man.
We declare and decree the Word of God.
“Greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world.”
“By His stripes you are healed.”
“No weapon formed against you shall prosper.”
“You shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord.”
“Don’t forget the benefits of God. He heals all our diseases.”
“The Lord will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds.”
“Affliction will not rise up a second time.”
“The power of the Lord is present to heal you.”

 

I count our years together as blessings, having realized that our successful marriage and relationship was God’s plan . How much more wonderful can a life be, than to live the life that God unites between the two people he built for one another?

With all my heart and soul, I love this man STILL and always.

I will honor him for eternity times infinity.

So Happy Birthday to the Love of my life. ❤  And …

On Father God … | Let My Words Be Few … Thursday

My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18

I’m reading ‘The Shack’ by William P. Young, again. Yes, it’s that profound. Not just good, PROFOUND. I encourage you read it and then keep in your library … you can find it in paperback for under $8 and on Kindle for less that $5! Follow the link above.

Quickly, I want to address what we think about God’s parenting style in our hard times.

Being what is considered a ‘mature’ Christian I rarely blame or question God. I was awed to discover that I didn’t blame or question God when The Hubs was diagnosed with lung cancer. I did all the things people do when they are presented with the grave, worldly understanding of such a diagnosis.

My head spun, my eyes became water spigots and my heart dropped and ached terribly, for the longest time. I slipped unhindered into a cavern of fear. It was dark and cold and I’d wake in the middle of the night just to check if he was breathing; when even the night before the diagnosis this was not a question in my thought processes. Now (or I should say then, it was over a year ago) it was a constant concern.

We were faced, blindsided by mortality. Oh how offensive that truly can be. I was offended. It never occurred to me that my husband, who had smoked for 40 years, could get cancer! How silly is that? [btw: he was diagnosed with non-smokers cancer, go figure]

But I never questioned God on the why. I just prayed, at first, that desperate wife’s prayer for healing, explaining to God how I couldn’t imagine living without this man he created for me. How I’d want to go with him. That there was nothing left here for me if he was gone. And then it changed, the prayer changed, when I came out of that tailspin. I began to pray the already received promise and thank God for our life so full of blessings. I don’t recall how long it took for the transition I speak of. But it came and I began to move forward, purposefully.

That said, I was reading the book, while waiting at some appointment or other, yesterday.This was the dialog between Mac and his youngest daughter, Missy, that caught my heart:

“Is the Great Spirit another name for God – you know, Jesus’ papa?” Missy

“I would suppose so. It’s a good name for God because he is Spirit and he is Great.” Mac

“Then how come he’s so mean?” Missy. She goes on to question why Jesus was made to die on the cross.

Mac goes on to tell her that Jesus didn’t think God was mean. He said Jesus knew God was full of love and loved him very much. That His daddy didn’t make Him die. Jesus chose to die because he and his daddy loved you and me and everyone in the world; that He saved us from our sickness.”

SAVED us from our sickness.

I knew this all along. I knew it when they presented the diagnosis. I knew it in my tailspin and I knew it when I came up for air. But deep down; did I question God’s logic in all of this?

Maybe, I guess I must have at some point. But I didn’t linger there, because when I think about God and His roll in these things we encounter in this life my head goes to the #1 scripture for the question: “Why, God?”

^{Jeremiah 29:10-13 10} For thus says the Lord: After seventy years are completed at Babylon, I will visit you and perform My good word toward you, and cause you to return to this place. ¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

And the #2:

Isaiah 55:8-10  10“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

For me, this speaks it all, and it’s my husband’s scripture. This scripture has been spoken over my husband by many preachers, many who didn’t know him at all. And it’s the Jeremiah 29:11 always left my husband bristling. =) Not anymore!

God is saying right here, I will visit you in your illness [Babylon] and I will perform My good word [the promises] toward you and I will return you to this place [Divine Health] … for I know what I’ve planned for your life and the plan is good and will give you a future and hope! … and so much more. This scripture is so deep!

I am reassured by it. I know Daddy is not mean, that this illness is not His design for our lives. We don’t allow the illness to define us as a family, The Hubs as a person or our lives going forward. We live our life in forward motion, as though nothing is amiss. We don’t question God about it.

We know that like the rain and snow, we were sent [born] and will not return until we have done our work, planned by the Father, for the kingdom, that He planned for us.

We will fulfill our Kingdom Destinies! And nothing can stop that.

Though we do ask when it will stop; the chaos that comes with this malady. I think that’s a different question.

We call on Him for answers and we pray and He listens. We seek and we find Him because we search for Him with all our hearts, everyday.

So, my question: Are you blaming God for somethings? Are you asking Him why in regard to something or some circumstance in your life?

Know this. Today. Right here. If it’s a bad thing it is not of God’s design for your life, but He will use it so that you come out of it SURE of His presence and love and stronger for the test!

Thanks for reading. Give me your ‘few words’ about where you’re at today with God’s parenting of you in your life. I’d love to share this quiet day with you.

Looking Up, Still …

OOOOoooo! Quick update-add on! This is my 500th blog post here at HopeAnnFaith! Whooop Whooop!

Five Minute Friday Time! Joining Kate and the FMF Writers for today’s prompt:

Turn.

 Follow the link in the graphic here to get the skinny on the FMF link-up and join us! We’d love to share this with you!

Now without any further delay … setting the timer …

 Turn your eyes upon Jesus and the things of this world will grow strangely dim.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~ Hebrews 12:1-2

Turn away from those things that hinder and so easily entangle. Those things and people of the world who do not agree with the written will of God for our lives. What do we do when the doctor in our lives say things like: “We can never tell you you will heal” or “The chemo didn’t work, so ….”?

Or even better, professionals dealing with patients saying things like: “Oh! You’ve been doing this a year! Aren’t you one for the history books?!” What kind of backhanded encouragement (?) is that? My first thought was lady, get yourself some bedside manners before you speak to a possibly frightened patient again! Appalling in and of itself. But saddening when you think that these people don’t know God and His promises of healing for all of us.

So, yeah. I schooled them in the facts of The Hubs progress and in how BIG our God is compared to their knowledge and protocol. I was polite but firm and basically told them how they could speak about this malady in reference to our lives. The doctor just shook her head like I was a poor unfortunate imbecile; but the nurse, she knew about God, she’d obviously had some church in her life, praise God! She apologized and thanked me for giving her a different view about how her patients might be dealing with cancer in their lives. My response was thank you and not everyone owns their illnesses, some of us refuse to allow an illness or disease to take hold within us. WE here in Hutchand DO NOT take ownership of anything that did not come from God!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ~ James 1:17

That’s just how we roll here in Hutchland, according to what God says about this life of ours. I’m not saying we got it down pat, we don’t. But when we get it wrong, the minute we realize it, usually at Holy Spirit’s correction, we pick up, dust ourselves off , repent and get back on that path called LIFE, God has set before us.

So where do you turn when things don’t seem correct in your day to day? Where do you look when the world tells you something upside down and inside out? Do you turn to Jesus? Do you look up? Join us and let us know where you turn.

 

 

 

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Thank you for reading. =)

Rest & Relaxation | 31Days:11

“Ah! There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort.”
― Jane Austen

We hung out at home today! I love that!

Content

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” 

John 14:27

Rest is needed to heal and restore oneself. Now while it is HARD to get The Hubs to rest; EVER, we had a down day today. It’s hard for him to sit and relax, he was an always on the go kind of guy. He would create things to do just to stay busy. Now, after better than a year of fighting cancer with chemotherapy and radiation, his body just doesn’t let him do what he had planned or wants to do. His body requires him to rest; kind of like the rest of us. =)

 

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with  thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which  surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ  Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

 

We hung out and watched our favorite Saturday morning shows; Lucky Dog and Dr. Chris Pet Vet and had a late breakfast. The boy was home and around too. We then watched two comedies and The Hubs laughed at all the 12 year old humor with the boy, as I was watched like the mother of men children! It was peaceful and nice. It was wonderful to hear that laugh.

The Hubs laugh is truly my favorite sound in the world; it’s so warm and honest in all it’s joy! ♥

 

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”

John 14:27

 

For us here in Hutchland quiet Saturdays are a healing time. We hang out in an atmosphere of stress-less love and contentedness. Even if The Hubs is a bit frustrated I can usually find a way to ease his fidgeting. Today it was raining, so it was easier for him to hang out and relax. Rain limits his outside projects.

So it was Dachshunds, movies and tea … Waffles and syrup with coffee, movies, a short drive to Dad’s to feed Invisakitty, while he’s at his camp; and a late dinner.

Never underestimate what rest and relaxation can mean for a healing body … what laughter and quiet contentedness can do for aches and pains … what the love of family can do for times of pent up energy and frustration. Or even times when you need the energy to feel normal and alive, but it isn’t coming.

 

 “Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

1 Peter 3:4

 “But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.”

Psalm 131:2

I do so hope you take the time for rest and relaxation in your week. Time with someone(s) special. Time to just sit back and be contented in the peaceful comfort of just being.

How do you relax and refuel?

Sometimes I just sit quietly in the presence of God and allow Him to fill me with His peace and love. That, my friends, is the best. The VERY best. That is true serenity.

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” John 14:27

Blessings to you and thanks so much for reading.

Andrea

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

31 Days!

31 Days Journey to Healing

Change … The New Things

Tuesday at Ten again! Follow the Link at the end and check out the rules … there aren’t any really =D {It’s also day 7 of 31 Days of Writing.}

Just follow the word prompt where it takes you. Write … take pictures … sing us a song … whatever and where ever the prompt goes.

Let it lead you by your heart!

Today’s TT Prompt: Change!

Farewell Summer

Change.

It often means a farewell to something. The change of seasons, both in nature and in ourselves. Ah, what season is this?

Autumn. It’s literally Autumn here at the Jersey Shore {my favorite season} and it’s autumn in myself, I think. A little over 3 months and I reach the big 50. No drama in that, just a weird sense of, “how did that happen”. =)

I do not feel 3 months from a half century of life!

 

Other changes in this sweet Autumn of mine …

Went to the oncologist yesterday and the cancer on The Hubs’ liver continues to shrink. I know I’ve told you all that Hubs had decided to quit chemo. Well conventional chemo has been stopped! Yay! He’ll start to feel better and his hair will grow back. His hair falling out really bothered him, to his own surprise. It’s already returning.

The Doc did say things, again, that thing I didn’t want to hear; things we know to be false, with God! So we simply don’t accept that part of the report and continue with our life and choices in the faith of God.

We are standing on The Word of God; our indestructible foundation!

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed save me and I will be saved,for you are the one I praise.” Jeremiah 17:14

 

Standing on The Word

We are ever changing. We are not who we were when we drove to Hamilton yesterday for this appointment. The news was good! They are changing his treatment and sending The Hubs to find out what NEW oral treatment trial he fits into {and Miraculously The Hubs agreed! Praise God} … New technology in chemotherapy medication. Doc says he CAN’T ever tell us that this cancer will be totally removed. What they know of this type of cancer mutates … the doc says. My take: If it can mutate it can die … and it will die, because …

GOD!

Well what we say is this: Nothing is impossible with God!

“For with God nothing will be impossible.” Luke 1:37

Nothing is impossible with God.

So what hasn’t changed?

Our faith has not changed. It has not wavered … because our faith is in God; not medical tests or even the doctors knowledge – though we do firmly believe that God sent us to the best doctor for The Hubs and God is using him greatly, despite the protocols and science that says things outside of God’s promises. We, in the faith of our God, believe that God’s promises are going to make changes in the doctors, for His glory!

I do so love watching the amazement they get when they see The Hubs living and thriving; God’s been working on these professionals for over a year now!

Our schedule has not changed … yet … but in about a month it should slow down to a more normal, livable pace.

So there you have it … Change as I see it, today. Obviously my vision of change will not be the same tomorrow, because I will have been molded more by the hand of the Potter. After all it is His plan and I am just the dust of the earth miraculously alive by His breath!

“Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” Isaiah 64:8

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven …” Ecclesiates 3:1

Autumn Sunlight

Thanks for reading.

Andrea

 

 

31 Days: A Journey to Healing

 

 

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

 

 

** Photography: Copyright © AHutchinsonPhotography™ 2007 – 2014- All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and/or photographs without express and written permission from the writer/photographer is strictly prohibited.

Word Art: Jeff Lieurance

Expecting Everyday Miracles: Beginning Something New

Morning

I wrote the fifth post for this 31 day challenge basically on the stroke of midnight last night. I really didn’t think I’d rise and be ready to write the sixth. But God ….

He speaks to me, audibly, as well as through … His Word, Devotions and Others … even Others who are not believers. The Word does convey that He will use anyone and any situation to His good will.

So today’s five minutes came in a scripture devotion this morning.

The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. – Psalm 19:8

 

Today we go to the oncologist and get the report from the last CAT scan. I already know The Hubs’ intentions to quit all treatment. My eyes are open, but I am surprised that I am calm and have a joyful heart.

It feels as though we are starting something new today!

And that has me feeling expectant and a bit excited. Not a normal response to the “somethings new” in my life, for me. Yet here I am … feeling as though we are truly done with this cancer trial. And I’m ok with that. I don’t feel apprehensive or frightened.

Maybe it’s that The Hubs has tempered me with his consistent, if not always soothing, reminders that he is done with chemo.

(as I once again remind myself that chemo is not medicine; it’s poison.)

He is done with chemo. He is done feeling trapped by a disease that our faith in God assures us cannot live within him. He is done feeling tired and worn out and old. And he is tired of having no hair.

So I’m going into this day with that joyful heart and open eyes knowing that God goes before us and makes a way in this fallen world, that accepts illness and death from sickness as a norm.

KNOWING that I know that God is about to glorify Himself through a miraculous healing.

YOU see, I believe that we should not be surprised by God’s healing of our illnesses and disease. WE shouldn’t see it as a miracle; in the way the world sees His miracles.

Because the world defines a miracle as an unexpected and an unexplained phenomenon, and it is not.

God’s miracle of healing and of prosperity and of protection, and so many other things are most assuredly explained! And what’s more God’s miracles SHOULD be expected.

All anyone need do. to begin to expect God’s miracles. is to read THE BOOK.

Miracles are an everyday occurrence in the life of the believer who walks in his faith daily. That is not to diminish the wonder of God’s work … I continue to stand in awe daily of God’s amazing work! God’s miracles are amazing, EVERYDAY!

I find God’s daily miracles as amazing as the next man, as much as the non-believer is amazed, or more.

Why?

Because though I’ve come to expect God’s miracles; like my waking and breathing each morning, a miracle is a miracle! I just have the assurance of daily miracles. It’s as amazing as if you received a beautiful gift each morning wrapped in light and gentle breezes, just for your joy.

Like a beautiful fall morning.

Autumn Morning

Because even though as a believer I’ve come to expect God daily. I continue to be excited even as I expect Him to amaze me, and He does EVERYDAY!

Expectation does not drain the wonder for seeing God’s hand move in this life. Expectancy simply magnifies the Everyday Miracles!

So today we begin something new here in Hutchland … We move forward EXPECTING His miracle … I can’t wait to see and experience what that might be.

Thanks for reading!

Andrea

 

 

31 Days: A Journey to Healing

 

 

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

I will give you a new heart, He said.

Good morning! It’s Day 2 of 31 Days of my journey to healing in the Word, in 5 minutes of writing.

Today I cheat. For over a year my posts have centered almost entirely on my husband’s (and our family’s) battle with lung cancer. Trust me, this remains my focus, but when I started this challenge it was to get those scriptures of healing deeply within me where they can really do a work.

I honestly want what I’ve seen others obtain: That TRUE understanding of healing and wholeness that God provides. And I honestly want to live and walk in that promise. I honestly want that for my whole family.

When I chose this theme I wrote in the intro that our whole family battled health issues, and this is true. So I’m going to spend the next few days presenting those issues.

My scripture today is Ezekiel 26:36 and this is my health battle. It’s been an almost five year battle.

Go …

My Story ~ My Heart

Joyful

 

Hello, my name is Andrea, and this is my story.

Ezekiel 36:26

²⁶ I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

I was at that crossroad in my life, I realize, that everyone talked about. I just never imagined it would be on a gurney, on the packed hallway of a local ER.

As the attendees of the sick and dying bustled about, I felt, for a moment, much more than my forty five years. For the very first time in my life. A young doctor, a decade my junior, came to the bedside, to tell me my fate, I assumed. Instead he unceremoniously introduced the Cardiologist.

‘Great!’, I thought silently, ‘I handle this alone, too.’ My husband had not arrived at the hospital, yet.

Astonished, I saw from the young physician’s expression, that these green eyes were as wide as they could go, and glistening with the tears; I was desperately trying to hold them back.

“We want to admit you. You are in congestive heart failure and waist deep in fluids.” the doc said. The rest of what Dr. A. said sounded as if it were moving away from me in a tunnel as I began to pray.

In my head I heard that soft, familiar voice say, “This is what I am going to do. I am going to give you a new heart. I am going to give you a new spirit. I am even going to remove that stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart of flesh, a heart that is for Me, God. I am going to make it possible for you to live according to my will, you are no longer your own. I promise you will find it easy to be obedient to my commands with this new heart. You will live. You are mine, and I AM yours!”

With that, my hearing surfaced and I heard the doctor explaining the condition of my heart.

“…so your heart is enlarged, and like any overworked muscle it is thick and hard. Therefore it cannot pump adequately enough to control the fluids in your body…” Dr. A. said seriously, yet with a soft kindness that was endearing.

I listened intently to everything the doctor said, I was enveloped in an unspeakable peace. Even as he spoke I heard God say, “I have removed the stone heart.” in that still soft voice.

This was the last chance, I realized, that I had been looking for. I listened intently to God, just then, because that is how hope grows up to be faith.

I have yet to stop listening. However, there are obstacles and frustrations, which this new journey has around each bend. And I know this well after almost 5 years. Things have gotten away from me; the fervor the writer of this particular blogger has been dampened by life and desires that hinder her original diligence. That is what I hope this 31 Day challenge within God’s healing scriptures will reignite!

My intention with this challenge is to get ALL of God’s healing scriptures and promise deep within my spirit so that each time an ache or a temptation to deviate from the healthy interjects it’s self into my thinking I can conquer it once and for all with the Word!

FYI: I will refer to the heart illnesses that have been diagnosed with the “heart event”; to the cancer with  the “cancer event”; to my son’s addiction as his “addiction battle”.
Silly or not, this is how I will go about “not giving voice” to the disease that has been reported. I will not empower the works of the enemy by using the names that I have already put under the blood of Christ Jesus.

Welcome, I’m glad you’ve joined me.

* This was an easy Five Minute Post today because I wrote this post for another blog of mine about 5 years ago. I’ve added updates to it, of course i.e. the cancer event and the addiction battle explanations and more. I hope you can forgive me for the quick cheat. I simply wanted you to know the foundation of this 31 Day challenge theme. Thanks.

You can also find me linked with Kate’s Five Minute crew here and The Nester’s friends here.

Andrea

 

31 Days: A Journey to Healing

 

 

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes