Trying to Be Still in Overwhelming Circumstances |Few Words Thursday

Just this week I participated in a word prompt exercise on Fear, you can read it {here}, if you haven’t already. That was Tuesday. It’s Thursday and what I began knowing was going to be an over full week has become more full! Isn’t it just the way of the enemy to attack just as you think you’ve come to a place of rest. Well as versed as I am in fear, and how I handle, it a whole new version of an old foe has reared it’s ugly head.

Anxiety.

Anxiety about the holiday. Anxiety about the clinical trial. And anxiety about this illness getting in the way of our family’s happiness and joy, especially at this time of year. It’s The Hubs’ favorite season, Christmas!

The research doctor at RCI called about needing The Hubs to have another CAT scan; the original biopsy was not big enough to get what they needed, so they need to start with a CT scan. Well that said, he had a CT scan a week after we saw her, so they used that. This morning the research nurse called about scheduling the biopsy. Next week is out due to his work schedule, so that leaves the week before Christmas.

THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS! I HAVE ABSOLUTELY “0” DONE!

Now anyone who knows me knows that the hoopla around the Christmas Holiday doesn’t usually appeal to me. I’ve never liked the music or the decorations. I do, however, LOVE the meaning, the family and the togetherness with people we love. But all the hoopla … I always preferred to avoid, as in “I” didn’t touch the tree and things like that, the decorating, lighting and background music of the holiday. Let’s just say that the holidays were always  a source of chaos and anxiety, or worse, when I was a child.

The last couple of years (and I mean like 2) I’ve been feeling more “into” the celebration and decorations part of the holiday.

This year I’ve actually been feeling quite festive. Albeit a very new feeling for me.

I know it’s because I am so grateful for my time with The Hubs and our little family here in Hutchland. =)

And who deserves the honor and glory for that “new” feeling? Jesus. Yes, he does.

Then the calls … We were in a holding pattern of perpetual waiting with this clinical trial possibility, and it’s still only a possibility! The holding pattern was frustrating, I was going to call them Monday about where we were; then they called.

Now I’m feeling like that chaos and anxiety are invading again. All of a sudden I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to get this Christmas up, festive and complete with all this going on in the only two weeks we have to do it all in!

Anxiety makes being Still very hard. I have to force myself to pray and trust God. For some odd reason my heart and head are spinning again and I’m having issues getting it under control.

So what to do?

I’m praying in tongues, in my head and out loud. I am thanking God for His hand on and plan for our lives and resisting the urge to beg Him to fix all this.

He will. He is. I know this, but right this very moment I just need something concrete to know that my world isn’t rushing off on some chaotic run away roller coaster!

So I’ll read the bible. I’ll study for the Bible Lesson I’m giving tonight at bible study. I’ll continue to pray and hopefully I’ll be able to get something constructive done today.

I wish, I pray for answers, to know why I’m feeling like this. Why the anxiety after all this time (15 months).

I have a sound mind … I have power and love; everything to conquer this unfounded fear. Now I just need to remember how to use them.

So first, here, I’ll work on my memory verse and meditate on what it means when God is my fortress and stronghold!

Psalm 27:1-3 (with the Productivity501 tool in front of me.) While praying in tongues. The red is where I had to check the psalm for the right word and the cross outs are self explanatory. (Got that word, or run, incorrect.) The purple is my “commentary”. 😉

1. The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

2. When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh, My enemies and foes, they stumbled and fell. (Thank you Lord! feeling better now.)

3. Though an army may encamp against me, My heart shall not fear; Though war may rise against me, In this (God, God’s Word) I will be confident.

{Psalm 27 is such an amazing Scripture to be memorizing at this time in my life. I thank God that I stumbled upon it in my blog hopping!}

In this circumstance of our lives cancer and addiction are certainly our enemies and foes; but I need not be afraid, If God is with me of whom or what shall I be afraid?

Romans 8:28-32

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. ³⁰ Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

God’s Everlasting Love

³¹ What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

After writing this diary-esque post, I feel better. I think I am just overwhelmed with all of the hubbub around the holiday and this clinical trial. I am purposefully going to keep my mind on the REASON FOR THE SEASON and try to not be overwhelmed by getting it all perfect. Because frankly, this girl has NEVER been perfect, especially around the holidays, nor have I ever striven for such a thing.

I’m going to remind myself that God perfects what concerns me … and I am going to be confident in Him and what His Word says about all of this hoopla!

Psalm 138:7-9

⁷ Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;
You will stretch out Your hand
Against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
⁸ The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

 

Christmas is about celebrating our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. All the rest of it is just frills that we created to make us happy. I’m going to sit in the hay with my pups and rejoice that Jesus came to save me and that He is working with Father God, right now, to bring about the perfect results for our lives here in Hutchland.

I know my words weren’t exactly few (but I did add full scripture)!

Thanks for reading my diary of woe. It’s wonderful to know you’re here listening (reading, ha.)

I.Pray. | A Wife’s Testimony

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

when we don’t feel safe where do we go?

Go …

This is the testimony of the wife and mother of two who are seriously afflicted with life threatening illnesses. Honestly I am writing this in preparation of the teaching/testimony I have to give tomorrow morning at my church’s Women’s Fellowship Breakfast. And it’s not been the greatest of months for me.

I don’t think people, even those closest, notice that things are as bad as they are or can be, some days. They see me weathering the storm at church or bible studies or family gatherings and they either express that I am so strong or they just ask how my husband is. And for some, I can see that they hope my answer is quick and doesn’t require much from them. That sounds harsh, but it is not meant to be. I am well aware that they don’t know what to say or do and frankly there is nothing they can say or do. They just don’t know that that is okay.

And some days I notice that I need to talk, and some days that means me talking to God. Because, he’s the only one who can do anything about all of this …

STOP … This post took way more than 5 minutes and edits. After all it’s the draft of a testimony presentation on a really hard subject.

My testimony.

I am the wife of a wonderful man, who is battling cancer and the mother of a hurting man, who is battling heroin addiction; and I do this simultaneously and not always well.

I am simply doing the next right thing on a moment to moment basis, sometimes. Definitely the last month.

My husband has been through 2 different, months long, rounds of chemo. Taking up what is slowly becoming 2 years.

The first round to eradicate a mass that had infiltrated and completely blocked his left lung; which was found to have rendered the lung nonfunctional. He didn’t even feel it not working until he caught an upper respiratory illness, which started this season in our lives. From September 2013 to February 2014 he had chemo and radiation every two weeks. The mass decreased with each CAT scan and he came to the end of this round with full use of the lung! Success! Right?

Not according to the doctors. Because a VERY little piece of the cancer had “escaped” to the liver. With this the treatments were rendered a failure.

REALLY?! But … he has full use of the lung! Really. According to their protocol.

NOT our GOD though!

So in June, after a biopsy,  he went back into chemo; radiation was not an option for the liver. So from March to September 2014 my husband endured some very hard chemo treatments.

All the time he only got ill twice with nausea and once with something he caught. He lost his hair twice and suffered most from fatigue and feelings of weakness; oh and frustration driven moodiness!

He came out of the last round of chemo and the CAT scan showed that the “original” spot(s) were smaller, but that other lesions had developed.

Another fail, according to the doctors and the protocols.

And all the while this man of mine was vibrantly himself except for a few naps here and there.

So now he’s [we are] setting up for a clinical trial.

And with all this our youngest son is having a daily battle with heroin and he fell.

So that’s the story … what’s my testimony? I still don’t know how to put that into words.

I’m having trouble telling my story because I don’t feel as if I’m doing anything extraordinary. I’m just flexing with the new needs of my wife-hood and motherhood. Like I said, I try to do the next right thing and sometimes I fail miserably.

I started out with the boy being an addict. Something we’ve been dealing with for the last couple of years. At first it was just drug use, then it turned into what it is today; full on addiction to one of the worst drugs on the street. I learned to deal in the “tough love” arena. Tough love, I think, is harder on the parent, because it feels not only as if you are doing nothing, it feels as if you are abandoning your child. The good thing is that the boy is clean and doing well, so the love isn’t so tough when cancer entered and life got a different kind of  hard.

So I’m doing this thing by rote and …

The doctors say cancer and they are acting as if they are delivering a death sentence. Cold and clinical … cancer, here’s a referral.

Head spinning, heart breaking and tears like a waterfall gushing out of control … I start this new season. I pray. I cry. I wake up in the middle of the night and pray while I lean over to see if my husband is breathing.

Before the diagnosis his breathing was a given. I didn’t think about it, like I don’t think about my own. Now all of a sudden I have death in my head! And I hear (now) …

Be careful what you hear …

This doesn’t feel like faith to me, so I pray more.

I.AM.A.MESS.

But then things take on a routine … The Hubs is doing fine, he’s feeling okay and we get into this new groove. But the groove doesn’t feel right. It feels like acceptance of something that is not of God. And I hear …

What you tolerate you accept. And I pray.

So I pray and The Hubs and I talk about it. We talk about a lot of things. Somewhere we begin to discuss the fact that he is going to refuse anymore chemo.

I.AM.A.MESS. … Again.

DO NOTHING?! What!? Can we really do nothing?! Is nothing what we should have done all along??

A.MESS.

I just need this all to stop and then the boy falls down. He’s using.

I.PRAY.

So what’s the testimony? Hey, I still don’t know if this is even a testimony! Maybe it’s a lesson on the reality of what a wife/mother does during a health struggle of a loved one.

I.Pray.

That’s what I do. I go to every appointment, I drive the boy to every court date and P.O. meeting. And I pray.

I go to God at the end of everyday. Because I don’t always hold it together well some days. In fact my comfortable day to day no longer exists.

I get depressed. I get angry (not at God); angry at doctors, protocols, cancer and heroin. I yell and I cry and sometimes I reject the encouragement of others trying to help me, when they don’t know what else to do.

I am often A.MESS. And you know what?

That is not a lack of faith. It is not a crisis of faith. It is not anger at God.

It is reality. And it is normal and it is okay! Even God accepts it, after all He knew what He was asking me to do when He created me. And He knew how I would handle it.

So … I pray.

What do I pray? Well if you read this blog regularly you know I am really into praying God’s Word. Can’t go wrong praying God’s promises or what He says about things. Yes. It’s the easy way. It may even be cheating … but hey, God gave me the answers so …

I.Pray. the answers.

I’m going to post a list of scriptures I use to keep me from trying to make deals with and/or manipulate God and His will. Because if there are a few things that I REALLY believe it’s …

God’s got this.

God has a plan.

And WE WERE healed.

These are scriptures that I, and our friends, regularly pray over my husband and son. These scriptures can be used by anyone for anything, obviously! 1 John 4:4; Isaiah 53:5; Isaiah 54:17; Psalm 118:14; Psalm 103:2; Jeremiah 30:17; Nahum 1:9 and Luke 5:17.

O’ Lord this man.
We declare and decree the Word of God.
“Greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world.”
“By His stripes you are healed.”
“No weapon formed against you shall prosper.”
“You shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord.”
“Don’t forget the benefits of God. He heals all our diseases.”
“The Lord will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds.”
“Affliction will not rise up a second time.”
“The power of the Lord is present to heal you.”

The Power of the Lord is present to heal you! Isn’t that wonderful?

I also rely heavily upon Psalm 91, because it contains EVERY promise God made to us! EVERY.ONE. It reassures my heart and clears my mind.

1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler[a]
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

That’s my testimony! That I know, no matter what has taken place on any day, at any appointment, that the Power of the Lord is present to heal! That’s how I do this … that no matter my level of fear or anger …I.KNOW.GOD. and I.Pray.Thanks for reading. God bless.

How God Assures Me He’s On It :: A Much Needed Sunday Healing

Sweet, Sad Eyed Boy

This is my sweet boy. My youngest. My sad little guy. And OH how he had reason for that sweet, sad look. And OH how I sometimes, still, ache for my blindness.

The Man

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the man… angry and battling his demons. Very scary demons. And OH how I dreamed of reaching that sweet boy who was hidden in that angry man. I was incapable of reaching into him, to the boy. He wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t, still am not allowed to even hug him. It’s truly heartbreaking for me. And I’m sure his heart is broken. But He battles daily with his illness, his addiction. Heroin. And even when he stumbles, slips and falls flat out; he gets back up to battle. He’s superman in his head. He still thinks he needs to be I think. Because, I couldn’t protect him, because he couldn’t tell me … until they did, when they were barely in grade school … and the man (teen) you see above hid the sweet boy. Seemingly forever.

He fell this week. Wasn’t able to recover from an apparent stumble and now he starts over again. And my heart is broken watching him be sick. Very sick as he starts to stand back up to this illness, this craving, whose whole intent is to kill that sweet boy he has hidden in his heart.

This is him at the beginning of the last run of sobriety. Tired but strong. He’ll be there again.

And I know this because God and I met in worship this morning at church. I started the day very worried about my sweet boy, who hasn’t been so sweet these last few days. He was sick and in pain and irritable. I mean who wouldn’t be when they felt sick; I certainly am not fun when I am ill. But this is different.

There’s nothing I can do. And if I do something I am jeopardizing his life by enabling him. He has to walk out the withdrawl himself. He has to want to feel better. He has to choose between sobriety  and oblivion.

Unlike the cancer his father battles, the boy chose his illness. Chose oblivion over the demons of something he had no say in and I had no knowledge of. The demons who continue to tell him it was his fault. The demons that tell him I should have known. The demons who tell him he’s superman and he can live through the dangerous choices. The demons who tell him no one loves him because he’s unlovable now. This monster heroin quiets the demons I imagine. But then they begin to rustle again and bite … I cannot fathom the pain, though I experience his pain and suffering while he battles the withdrawl and fights for the breath of air that sobriety brings him.

As I sang praises to God today. As I worshiped the Father that promises to heal us. I cried out and from the depth of this mother’s heart and soul I sought my God’s assistance for my sweet boy. And God assured me that with that relinquishing, once again, of my boy to His care, that the boy, the man, would be healed.

During this song, as the lead singer of our worship band and assistance pastor sang this favorite, God met me in my aching for my sweet boy. I quieted and prayed for him and for The Hubs and was assured that He had them, that their healings were imminent, promised. And I quieted into the precious peace of the music, in Father’s presence.

You see, I’ve realized that the enemy has put a hit out on this family. Two of my men are battling grave illnesses, and the boy does not know the promises we believe! So I, WE, as a family must believe for him. He does not know that heroin addiction cannot kill him, as his father knows the cancer cannot kill him, though we tell him.

The boy does not know, as the father does, that because we believe, he is saved from his illnesses and cleansed of his sins, sins that are not even his own, but believes to be. The boy doesn’t believe that Jesus loved him so much that he took the heroin needle for him to the cross and died there with that illness upon Him! So we must believe and pray until the boy understands his worth to the Father.

And what mother, father and brother wouldn’t do this for a boy, for a man?

Oh how I wish the boy believed that he would live. Oh how I wish the boy believed he is loved beyond his mother’s ability to put it in words. Oh how I wish he knew the joy I get when he is well and smiles and is a participating member of this family. A participating member in his own life.

So I leave this post as another prayer to God. It holds no scripture, only a song of worship and praise to our Father God expressing my love and honor to him. I leave it as proof that I acknowledge His response to my need, my boy’s need, this morning. And I thank him again and again, without end that my sweet boy is starting to feel better and is two or three (I’m not sure) days back on the road of sobriety.

To every parent of a child who battles the illness of addiction, or any illness for that matter, I sing this song for you and your child. I pray that God vanquish this demon and send it to hell from whence it came, and I put the enemy and heroin under the feet of Jesus.

We are healed. Our children are healed. Our land is healed. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Thanks for listening to this outpouring of a mother’s heart.

The sweet boy’s mom. =)

On Father God … | Let My Words Be Few … Thursday

My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18

I’m reading ‘The Shack’ by William P. Young, again. Yes, it’s that profound. Not just good, PROFOUND. I encourage you read it and then keep in your library … you can find it in paperback for under $8 and on Kindle for less that $5! Follow the link above.

Quickly, I want to address what we think about God’s parenting style in our hard times.

Being what is considered a ‘mature’ Christian I rarely blame or question God. I was awed to discover that I didn’t blame or question God when The Hubs was diagnosed with lung cancer. I did all the things people do when they are presented with the grave, worldly understanding of such a diagnosis.

My head spun, my eyes became water spigots and my heart dropped and ached terribly, for the longest time. I slipped unhindered into a cavern of fear. It was dark and cold and I’d wake in the middle of the night just to check if he was breathing; when even the night before the diagnosis this was not a question in my thought processes. Now (or I should say then, it was over a year ago) it was a constant concern.

We were faced, blindsided by mortality. Oh how offensive that truly can be. I was offended. It never occurred to me that my husband, who had smoked for 40 years, could get cancer! How silly is that? [btw: he was diagnosed with non-smokers cancer, go figure]

But I never questioned God on the why. I just prayed, at first, that desperate wife’s prayer for healing, explaining to God how I couldn’t imagine living without this man he created for me. How I’d want to go with him. That there was nothing left here for me if he was gone. And then it changed, the prayer changed, when I came out of that tailspin. I began to pray the already received promise and thank God for our life so full of blessings. I don’t recall how long it took for the transition I speak of. But it came and I began to move forward, purposefully.

That said, I was reading the book, while waiting at some appointment or other, yesterday.This was the dialog between Mac and his youngest daughter, Missy, that caught my heart:

“Is the Great Spirit another name for God – you know, Jesus’ papa?” Missy

“I would suppose so. It’s a good name for God because he is Spirit and he is Great.” Mac

“Then how come he’s so mean?” Missy. She goes on to question why Jesus was made to die on the cross.

Mac goes on to tell her that Jesus didn’t think God was mean. He said Jesus knew God was full of love and loved him very much. That His daddy didn’t make Him die. Jesus chose to die because he and his daddy loved you and me and everyone in the world; that He saved us from our sickness.”

SAVED us from our sickness.

I knew this all along. I knew it when they presented the diagnosis. I knew it in my tailspin and I knew it when I came up for air. But deep down; did I question God’s logic in all of this?

Maybe, I guess I must have at some point. But I didn’t linger there, because when I think about God and His roll in these things we encounter in this life my head goes to the #1 scripture for the question: “Why, God?”

^{Jeremiah 29:10-13 10} For thus says the Lord: After seventy years are completed at Babylon, I will visit you and perform My good word toward you, and cause you to return to this place. ¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

And the #2:

Isaiah 55:8-10  10“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

For me, this speaks it all, and it’s my husband’s scripture. This scripture has been spoken over my husband by many preachers, many who didn’t know him at all. And it’s the Jeremiah 29:11 always left my husband bristling. =) Not anymore!

God is saying right here, I will visit you in your illness [Babylon] and I will perform My good word [the promises] toward you and I will return you to this place [Divine Health] … for I know what I’ve planned for your life and the plan is good and will give you a future and hope! … and so much more. This scripture is so deep!

I am reassured by it. I know Daddy is not mean, that this illness is not His design for our lives. We don’t allow the illness to define us as a family, The Hubs as a person or our lives going forward. We live our life in forward motion, as though nothing is amiss. We don’t question God about it.

We know that like the rain and snow, we were sent [born] and will not return until we have done our work, planned by the Father, for the kingdom, that He planned for us.

We will fulfill our Kingdom Destinies! And nothing can stop that.

Though we do ask when it will stop; the chaos that comes with this malady. I think that’s a different question.

We call on Him for answers and we pray and He listens. We seek and we find Him because we search for Him with all our hearts, everyday.

So, my question: Are you blaming God for somethings? Are you asking Him why in regard to something or some circumstance in your life?

Know this. Today. Right here. If it’s a bad thing it is not of God’s design for your life, but He will use it so that you come out of it SURE of His presence and love and stronger for the test!

Thanks for reading. Give me your ‘few words’ about where you’re at today with God’s parenting of you in your life. I’d love to share this quiet day with you.

Healing Scripture Day 23 of 31 Days … A Journey

Exodus 15:²⁶ He said, “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you.”

Instruction … Often we long for, and voice that longing in our day to day, instructions in life. We’ve heard people say, and probably said ourselves: “I wish there was a book of instructions for life.”

There is a How To For Life book! The Bible.

basic.instruction.before.leaving.earth

A popular acronym used by Christians:

Bible:“Basic. Instructions. Before. Leaving. Earth.”

Well, if you’re one that has built your faith into a relationship with God then you know this to be true, as cheesy as the little cliche has become. If you are new and learning … I assure you once I chose to live my life according to God’s will and timing my learning of the Word and applying the same to my life accelerated and became almost easy.

Note I said Almost Easy. This is after all life and we were not promised easy … we were promised it would be worth it. And so far, for me, it’s been worth it.

The scripture I began with is instruction for life … It was to the Israelites who were trying to get to the promised land; but true to human behavior they were complaining and fussing that it wasn’t coming as quickly and as easily as they had envisioned. They had to be continually reminded, encouraged and instructed to follow God and His timing.

They couldn’t wrap their heads around the process. They couldn’t get past putting human attributes to God. Like us they were human with human faculties … and they would get a few step forward and fall several back, into their own understanding.

Yes! The Old Testament is relevant to us today … it reveals our human-ness if we pay attention. The Israelites were just like we are today!

So as to healing … it’s God’s promise to us from the very beginning. Like I’ve said many times on my blog; Our healing was delivered in the Atonement and received at the exact moment of our Salvation!

Our salvation and our healing are one in the same!

We were created In His Image, In His Likeness. We were created to be just like God, and God is NEVER ill. He’s NEVER had a cold, or the flu, or cancer … NEVER; and neither did His Son!

So the instruction for healing here, is much the same as any other instruction for Life … And were given EVERYTHING we need for life … and Godliness {In His likeness!}. And the scripture above is clear … for us it’s to get in The Word, get to know God and His will, His plan and His timing and live your life accordingly. The exact instruction is spelled out right there in His words.

His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:3

He has a separate the name Healer:

Jehovah Rapha: The Lord Who heals!

 

I encourage you to get into the book of God’s Instructions for our life and find EVERY.WORD. He said about your healing. You see, I know that I am healed, regardless of what I am feeling in this body or am hearing from the “professionals” and then I refer to His Word and I trust in THAT WORD while doing what He has instructed through the doctors. After all it was our Healer who created the Doctor. 😉

Do you need healing today? Won’t you let me pray for/with you, according to His Word and Will for you life? I would love to be in agreement with you for your complete healing … it’s yours, right here and right now!

Thanks so much for reading. It is my sincere hope that I have sparked a glimmer of hope in you to seek your healing for Jesus, The True Physician. Blessings.

Thank You for Reading.
Andrea

31 Days Journey to Healing

Humbly Speaking About Humility | Tuesday@10 on Day 21 of 31Days

It’s Tuesday again, the day I attempt to utilize the Word Prompt from Tuesday@10 into The 31Day Writing Challenge! Some are easier than others … this one took some pondering, though I know what I wanted to get across.

This weeks prompt from KarenBeth is Humility and it certainly took a bit of time to wrap Healing up into Humility.

So may I humbly submit to you, my offering of prayer and healing to you, today.

Breaking Through to the Other Side of It …

“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” James 4:10

True humility is a virtue I desire, most Christians desire; but like many of God’s characteristics, humility is not one I come by naturally.

Humility is not a value; it doesn’t express weakness or timidity. It is, rather, a gift from God, by grace, that should be revealed through our character. Humility, by definition is the opposite of pride.  And Jesus taught on humility, while on earth.

“Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:11

People who are truly humble do not seek attention, they do not seek to push a personal agenda. Genuinely humble Christians seek only to advance God by being the example of what God does through them, as individuals. It’s not about me teaching you how to pray, or instructing you how to receive your healing. It’s my showing, through my life and experiences, how God The Father has worked His plan through me!

God works mightily through the honest humility of people!

I can humbly tell you that I don’t know why I am alive today, after the diagnosis of congestive heart failure 5 years ago. I haven’t lost the necessary weight yet that would ensure heart health; though I’ve made strides and then failed. But I’ve gotten up from that failure to stride again, by the grace of God! It’s not me … my health is completely about God and His plan for me.

It is in all humility that I stand in awe of God’s Works, when it comes to The Hubs life and battle with the diagnosis of cancer! It is definitely by His Grace alone that we have come to this place in this battle full of life and love and testimony of healing and health. It is by God’s grace that The Hubs continues to stun the doctors with vibrant lung health even as they refuse to tell us that the cancer is gone and he is healed. And it will be to God’s Glory and Honor alone when they come to the conclusion that The Hubs is, most definitely Healed and Healthy! I anticipate, with great joy and excitement, that testimony!

I don’t have the answers, except that I believe God at His Word that I am {we are}  healed and that He has a purpose for me! I do not know the time of these miracles and their testimonies … I just know that they are there for us in God’s time. When this healing will make the most impact upon those around us!

When I stumble, and oh how I stumble, I do my level best to get back up and resubmit myself, humbly and with repentance to my Father God, always thankful that He is there with His Word to help me back up so that I can follow His instruction. I confidently put my trust in God and do not arrogantly demand that God allow me to do things on my own. I am useless on my own!

And speaking with honest humility, I have to say that I don’t do the above, ANYMORE! And when stress or life or emotions have me leaning back into my own human-ness; I humbly ask God for forgiveness, as soon as I come to my senses.

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; he sent out his Word {Jesus} and healed them, and delivered them from destruction. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his Wonderful works to humankind.”

Psalm 107:19-21

… let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind.

Being thankful is a part of humility. It’s admitting that I don’t know everything, in fact I know very little of what I need to do in life, without Him to guide me. And oh, let me tell you how thankful I am! Actually there are no words to describe this gratitude!

And humbly, we declare and decree the Word of God.

“Greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world.”
I thank God that “By His stripes Iam healed.”
And “No weapon formed against me shall prosper.”
All the honor to God the Father that “I shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord.”
“I will not forget the benefits of God. He heals all my diseases.”
I stand in awe that “The Lord restores health to me and heals me of my wounds.”
I thank Him, humbly that “Affliction will not rise up a second time.” within me.
Thank you Father that “The power of the Lord is present to heal you.”and me. In Jesus’ name I pray Your Words back to Your memory Lord, that You would see me, Your humble daughter, and bestow upon me Your healing touch. Amen.

 

Thank You for Reading.
Andrea

31 Days Journey to Healing

Tuesday @ Ten

Rest & Relaxation | 31Days:11

“Ah! There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort.”
― Jane Austen

We hung out at home today! I love that!

Content

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” 

John 14:27

Rest is needed to heal and restore oneself. Now while it is HARD to get The Hubs to rest; EVER, we had a down day today. It’s hard for him to sit and relax, he was an always on the go kind of guy. He would create things to do just to stay busy. Now, after better than a year of fighting cancer with chemotherapy and radiation, his body just doesn’t let him do what he had planned or wants to do. His body requires him to rest; kind of like the rest of us. =)

 

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with  thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which  surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ  Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

 

We hung out and watched our favorite Saturday morning shows; Lucky Dog and Dr. Chris Pet Vet and had a late breakfast. The boy was home and around too. We then watched two comedies and The Hubs laughed at all the 12 year old humor with the boy, as I was watched like the mother of men children! It was peaceful and nice. It was wonderful to hear that laugh.

The Hubs laugh is truly my favorite sound in the world; it’s so warm and honest in all it’s joy! ♥

 

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”

John 14:27

 

For us here in Hutchland quiet Saturdays are a healing time. We hang out in an atmosphere of stress-less love and contentedness. Even if The Hubs is a bit frustrated I can usually find a way to ease his fidgeting. Today it was raining, so it was easier for him to hang out and relax. Rain limits his outside projects.

So it was Dachshunds, movies and tea … Waffles and syrup with coffee, movies, a short drive to Dad’s to feed Invisakitty, while he’s at his camp; and a late dinner.

Never underestimate what rest and relaxation can mean for a healing body … what laughter and quiet contentedness can do for aches and pains … what the love of family can do for times of pent up energy and frustration. Or even times when you need the energy to feel normal and alive, but it isn’t coming.

 

 “Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

1 Peter 3:4

 “But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.”

Psalm 131:2

I do so hope you take the time for rest and relaxation in your week. Time with someone(s) special. Time to just sit back and be contented in the peaceful comfort of just being.

How do you relax and refuel?

Sometimes I just sit quietly in the presence of God and allow Him to fill me with His peace and love. That, my friends, is the best. The VERY best. That is true serenity.

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” John 14:27

Blessings to you and thanks so much for reading.

Andrea

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

31 Days!

31 Days Journey to Healing

Feeling Shattered & Scattered Today … But, I Will Not Faint

just me …

I will not faint …

I think we, The Hubs and I, thought this wait for an answer might start a path to our normal, even if it was our “new” normal, but it hasn’t. Since the chemoradiation therapy ended he hasn’t felt “good”. He has a lack of energy, a lack of appetite and almost no tolerance for anything! It’s kind of rough.

There is a list of things going on for the check-up on Tuesday. And I worry. And I get fed up with the negativity and all the alone time. And I want to cry, often.

There’s a new song we hear regularly on the radio back and forth to appointments and trips to check The Hubs brother’s house as we wait for the sale.

It describes how I feel, often. I was lost until I was finally found in Christ … this is true of all of us, at one time or another. And I cry out in this trial of a life we are living right now, here in Hutchland. When I feel lost, again, I cry out and thank Him for being my God, knowing that if He was not here I would have shriveled and died or exploded or something messy like that.

Sometimes my very selfish flesh just wants my old life back … then it seems to occur to me organically, and it’s not, it’s Holy Spirit reminding me that I really don’t want my egypt back at all.

I do know that I want our US … the new US is fine, I’d like to cuddle into that, instead of wishing that if I sat by The Hubs, while he rested, it wouldn’t make him feel as if he needed to care for me; even though I so need that care.

I guess I’m just tired and lonely a lot. I want to not react when he’s irritable, rather I want to have it in me to comfort him when his nerves are raw.

So today I am relying on sharing and I’m praying these scriptures:

Isaiah 40:3

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

I got the 1 Corinthians reminder from a Favorite Blogger, check her out, she’s funny and hip and sensitive and wise beyond her years!

The Audacity of Trust

W-hiskey T-ango F-oxtrot

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! No, no we are not doing this again …. 😉

This morning The Mr. was a bear. It snowed overnight, which we knew was going to happen, and that’s why he says he was a bear.

Though …. the bear arose last night and after a very uncomfortable and frustrating evening the bear went into VERY early evening (9-ish) hibernation. I was disappointed as I wait to spend the evenings with him (and Saturday), so I find it hard to not get resentful that he spends this time in a nasty mood.

I think … “I don’t deserve this!” … “Why can’t he count his blessings?!” and all those things a sad, upset and disappointed wife feels and thinks when the hubby goes a muck.

And then God reminds me that my response is that of the she bear … nasty and resentful; demanding he change his mood. All the while feeling justified for my behavior, because after all he’s being horrible! Yet, it continues to hurt, this disappointment.

Yesterday I posted ” … now what?” It came from a place of quiet numbness; the cessation of treatments and traveling making me feel a bit lost. Our “temporary circumstance” has ended, at least for 6 weeks; and we have to find a new routine. Maybe it’s affecting him. I asked and he said he doesn’t “feel” done, that he’s waiting for the 6 week PET scan. I guess that though he knows he’s healed, he doesn’t feel released.

I say new routine because I feel we’ve changed tremendously in the last 5 months. Or at least I thought we “both” had, and then he begins acting the way he did before they said the “C” word and he got all squishy and caring about all manners of things he didn’t necessarily notice before the diagnosis. The return to the Bear-tude is another disappointment, and quite frankly the frustration is feeling like resentment. So I sat down with him this evening …

I decided he needed to rest more so I told him we were staying home from mid-week service tonight. He had already been considering it and felt he was feeling better than he thought he would be … yet, when I decided we were staying home he lay down and fell asleep. See, he’s decided to go back and run himself ragged, like before and I’m having none of it! He’s gone back to refusing lunch … and that’s not going to fly either!

Rather than stand silently by, while he returns to his former attitude swings, I am going to be the “Good Wife” hehe.

I will see to it that he rests when he needs to. I will be there in the morning, with a nice lunch for him at the door. It’s going to be like the 1950s here … I’m going to see if the Bear can find the Teddy again. =)

So I sit here, as he sleeps, feeling lonely and alone, as dinner simmers on the stove.

I can’t imagine how he must feel to have to wait, I know I am anxious for God to fully glorify Himself in the results of that PET scan!I just want joyous celebration … even just a little celebration that we have 6 weeks of normalcy ahead. I want to glorify God with our happy gratitude that he’s favored us with provision, and healing, and ease during this long road. So I will … I will glorify Him in praise and worship and prayer for both of us, until The Mr. is rested enough to join me.

What Life Looks Like When Trials Prevail

I loved this poem the first time I read it. Actually I simply read,

“If ever two were one, then surely we.”

It spoke to our relationship … the Hubs and I. I will forever be in awe that we forged this relationship out of other damaged relationship; that we built this life, this love, this family into the wonderful thing that it is. Alive and breathing and changing every moment … a life well lived.

And as if we couldn’t appreciate what we had more this trial has awakened the wonder of who we are as one, him and I.

You see the doctors said the “C” word. In the matter of a week our life changed completely; it changed even how life looked around us. Amazingly it didn’t get darker! Things got brighter, more clear, around us. I stood in wonder at the amazing beauty around me as the doctors insisted my husband wasn’t strong enough to endure what was coming. Well, they didn’t know the Hubs, or who he was, or who we were!

The beauty of fall didn’t die instantly and flutter to the ground in the ashes of the report. The sun continued to shine brightly through the hospital window, illuminating the greens and reds and golds just beginning to color the trees through the rays of light.

I thought for a moment that the bright might be intensified by the silent tears that had filled my eyes, but no, things just became bright. It’s really that simple.

A myriad of thoughts flooded my mind; things us ladies contemplate from time to time while trying to imagine our future and plan. My husband says that men don’t do this to themselves; you know, try to imagine life if their wife was …. gone. However, we girls do this things. And I can tell you, it’s more terrible than we can imagine.

Sometimes I wake up in fear and am compelled to check to see if the Hubs is breathing; sort of like I did when the babies were new. I even wake him up sometimes; he’s so patient and forgiving. And in the morning …

We are more present with each other. He shows his heart more, much more! It’s a joy to see really, him finally, really, living his life present. True and honest emotions that he is now allowing himself.

And that smile and his humor and his laugh. I’ve always said that my favorite sound in the whole world is the Hubs’ laugh … and it’s so true, so much more now. That smile and that laugh hold my heart together. I love that they are and continue to be … even as life changes.

I love this man.

Life is a motion picture and what that picture looks like during lifes trials depend on our personal outlook.

So what does our life look like?

It looks like moving forward in faith. We heard the doctors say the “C” word, we do what needs to be done … but we look like we always did (except for his hair). We are a family, living life to the fullest (now) cherishing each moment, as we should have all along. Trials weed out the frivolous, the drama and the little things; so that we can see the important things.

This trail has truly caused us to live more freely. Life looks like freedom.

How would you live your life?