Belief and Healing | 31days:13

Uprooted

My motivation for this 31 Day Journey Through Scripture for Healing was and is to get God’s promises for healing – Divine healing into my head and ultimately into my heart. My true spiritual heart where I can continually tap into what I honestly see as truth in regard to healing.

My desire is MANIFEST healing, manifest health. I want to walk, not just in, as this gives me the ability to walk “out” of; I want to prove out Manifest Health. I want to be able to tap into the KNOWLEDGE that I am healed in Christ – inside and out.

Yet this desire causes me stress.

Because I’m not attaining it right now.

Because I have moments; many right now, when I realize I’m not hungry, and in fact I feel quite the opposite, yet I go and get that comfort food that my mind is telling me I want.

Because I need to move, yet I have no, absolutely no, motivation to get up and start what I know I must do to be healthy. Walk, move, do something, do anything!

Because, though I believe God at His word I must beg Him to forgive my unbelief … not in Him, not in His promise … but, my unbelief that I could be the recipient of Him and His promise of healing. I really believe that though I understand in my head it has not dropped those 18 inches to my heart.

My heart that that literally NEEDS to receive healing.

To my heart where The Spirit actually resides within me!

And God said we could …

Ask, Seek, Knock: Matthew 7

⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ¹² So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

There it is … helping the God information get from my head to my heart!

But am I asking? Or … am I sitting here, unmotivated, hoping God will look down on me and just give me what I should be asking Him for. This says that I must ask.

I.MUST.ASK. Maybe I do not have because I do not truly ask God to handle this. Maybe I’m doing this alone, on my own power … and I can’t, I really seem not to be able.

James 4

2b You do not have because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

The stress of knowing that this obesity I struggle with is due to some past harm within me; that this is the symptom of a physical or emotional wound is the same stress that blocks my ability to get well.

I believe this. So here it is … another layer of the onion that must be peeled away so that God’s Divine Healing can manifest within me.

I don’t have to rehash the harms and wrongs and wounds that I have truly dealt with. I now have to find that tiny shred of  “YOU ARE WORTHLESS” that I allowed to be deeply instilled within me.

No. That’s wrong … I didn’t allow the original instillation of self doubt and lack of self worth … what I allowed was the wallowing in and the coveting of that wound so that I could remain resentful by rights of those abuses. So in the time it took me to cultivate that crop of resentment (years) it was able to blossom in some deep and dark places within me that now must be rooted out and exposed to the light.

And this is where I agree that Christianity has a touch of brain washing to it.

I am human. On some of the harder days I forget I am chosen and loved by the Father Creator. It’s not that I cease to know this truth, it’s more that it fails to rise up in me to remind me. And this is because I am distracted by the hardness of the moment.

Let’s face it … during times of stress we humans forget things. Even us Christians forget and try to do things, figure things, that are not within our understanding.

What I need to remember: God’s Sovereignty.  I was made in His image. I have His DNA, we all do, and that is perfect.

But … I am not God.

I’m almost 50 years old here. I have never conquered this obesity. It’s roots were deep, I know, and God and I have worked hard to remove them … but like a tree that is cut down, the roots, underground must be destroyed, ground out, so that the tree does not begin to grow, again in that area again. The root must be destroyed, too, so that it will not move, underground, unseen, to rise in a new location where it blooms and grows anew.

Roots

 

Destroying the Roots

 

 

 

 

He is God, alone. And I believe and I ask Him to take this remnant root and destroy it, once and for all, so that I may walk out that promise He gave me on that gurney 5 years ago!

Thanks for reading my faithful friends.

Andrea

 

**The pictures are of a 100+ year old tree in our yard that God uprooted by way of a freak tornado in September of 2012 … mere months before Super Storm Sandy.

***Copyright © AHutchinsonPhotography™ 2007 – 2014- All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and/or photographs without express and written permission from the writer/photographer is strictly prohibited.

 

 

 

31 Days Journey to Healing

31 Days!

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

 

Family, Relationships and Forgiveness

I started this post mid-morning, it’s now just about 5 pm est. and my day has taken this post in a completely different direction … on the same topic.

I sat on the couch this morning contemplating my responsibilities of the day, I found myself simply unmotivated. I feel as though I’ve been running on empty and I’ve become quite numb. Our life here in Hutchland has become a non-stop, runrunrun, busybusybusy blur, lately.

Family responsibilities replaced the runrunrun and busybusybusy of chemoradiation therapy’s schedule. So relaxation and quality time have not been freed up as yet, and quite frankly I am wearing thin and so is Hubs.

Boundaries were set many years ago, and they have begun to feel violated. The thing is we we’re the violators, our families are only responding to our increased involvement, and in their view things are normal.

You see, they are of the world, we are not. You know the scripture, right?

Romans:12 And so, dear brothers, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living sacrifice, holy—the kind he can accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? ² Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how his ways will really satisfy you.³ As God’s messenger I give each of you God’s warning: Be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you.

Forgiveness:

We’ve forgiven the transgressions of the past and we forgive the future. They don’t understand, they don’t understand us, really, and that’s ok; we’re here to show them who we are and by example the way we live.

I sat last night (really, from early afternoon to the night) on alternating phone calls from my mother, grandmother and sister. A family situation has upset my mother to action that has caused her illness to flare up. She has subsequently become angry with my aunt, cousins and sister (for a completely different reason, that was a bi-product of the original issue). Now my mother is relying upon me, 3,000 miles away, to be her support. And my sister, who lives in the same state as our mother; she just can’t possibly see past her own life to include the needs of her mentally challenged mother into her life, beyond her days off. It’s a rough situation that they are going to have to figure out, with a touch of encouragement from me, because I won’t allow this boundary to be violated. You see I was the one who lost her childhood to care for my ill mother and siblings for close to 40 years. It is only in the last year that my sister has been charged with helping our mother after our step-dad’s passing.

Guilt:

I often feel guilt for the way I feel inside my head, and sometime my heart, towards the needs and demands of the extended family. I guess there are still resentments because thoughts pop into my thinking; unsavory thoughts that make me uncomfortable and convicted. Guess it’s Holy Spirit reminding me again that thoughts of resentment toward them are unacceptable in the forgiveness realm. Yet my flesh rises, wondering why I must be the one; my flesh doesn’t want to be the caretaker, anymore.

Frankly my flesh, and sometimes my heart (emotions), long, desperately to be important enough to my extended family that they would step up and care for me. I mean, my husband is going through cancer treatments (and winning, thank God!), my youngest is battling (and winning, thank God) addiction and my oldest is simply struggling to get his life and career in order. Life has not been easy on us of late, but then life is hardly easy on anyone, right … yet, still my flesh rises.

But …

God made me the caretaker of the family. It has taken A LOT of forgiveness on my part to be able to handle the issues without a need for control, and thank God, because without him and a good friend/sponsor I would not be capable of this, at all.

I remind myself, regularly, that they don’t get it. They simply don’t understand my close relationship with God. So I continue to gently encourage them toward an understanding; forgiving the thoughtlessness, the accusations and the unforgiveness on their end.

If I don’t continue to live within the bubble of my (our) relationship with God I can’t do this with them. Did I already say that? Yes, it is my mantra … without God I can’t _____________ fill in the blank.

So when it comes to my family relationships, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed by their needs, I enter into God and remember this is how he built me. Whether I’m good with that or not, at the time.

So the weekend looms with much to do, and many to care for, and I thank God again that he built me for this, sometimes thankless, job. And I forgive the transgressions of others and stand behind my boundaries, should they choose to transgress.

It’s about staying in God’s will. It’s about obedience to what He has called me to do. And like forgiveness, my call is not about what the family needs, or does, or making them happy. It’s about me being who God intended me to be.

At the end of my day I want to please God. Everyone else … not so much.

Blessings and thanks for reading to my erratic posts.

Afraid to Do…#Trust 30 on Few Words Thursday!

Let My Words Be Few...

If you’ve read my blog this week you know that I have joined the #Trust 30 Challenge that was inspired by Emerson’s 208th birthday, The Domino Project is republishing a work of art that’s especially relevant today. Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson urges readers to trust their intuition rather than conforming to the will of the majority.

This Thursday…and probably the remaining Thursdays in the month of June…maybe July, as I backtrack to the days I missed, I will be combining my FWT posts with my

contributions. So as usual FWT has minimal rules…which can be found when you follow the link connected to the picture. You can also follow the Trust 30 button to participate in this provocative writing prompts. I hope you’ll join us. I would love to share this space with you!

Now this prompt actually belongs to yesterday…however, I never received it in the e-mail so I am writing it now…these Trust 30 prompts are NOT easy…and some of them will probe in the hidden places of a soul. Like this one:

Afraid to Do by Mary Jaksch

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.”

What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.

(Author: Mary Jaksch)

…•*¨*•☼•*¨*•…•*¨*•☼•*¨*•…•*¨*•☼•*¨*•…

She was afraid. Afraid to tell…He said they wouldn’t believe a little kid. He threatened to blame it on her. He confused her. He loved her, treated her nice when mom and grandma were around, but then…

He changed. He got scary. He hurt her…He hurt the baby…

This is the scary stuff that one day I will write about. But…what is scary now, is he was right! He was right…they didn’t believe the little girl (s); there were 4. He was right, they didn’t believe the angry teenagers, there were 4.  Worse, the mother didn’t help until her youngest girl was a full-blown alcoholic adult and demanded that she confront him (her brother!). Leaving the oldest girl more bitter and angry, at 30 something, than she had been prior, because when she asked her mother to believe her she didn’t. She accused and berated, she didn’t help.

What is scary to this day is that the mother of 2 of the 4 still harbors her brother. Still demands that her daughters respect…

What is scary is the rage, the wrath, that is born in such pain and betrayal. What is scary is that one lives and learns to love with this barbed wire wrapped around ones heart. What is too scary to write down, right now, is the realization that children continue to live and endure what  I …this little kid endured, growing up learning love wrong.

What’s too scary to do is write down the acts performed, that caused the work to get to the place of wholeness that  I …that little girl, now woman, enjoys today. It’s scary because of the pain it will cause…Him, Mother and so many others.

Is it really that important to document this process to wholeness??

Yes, I believe it is…so I strive to get past the fear…and put down the words that will help heal a little kid…

Blessings Loves ♥

Few Words Partners: Join us! We would love to share this space with you. 🙂

Please go and visit HOLLY @ Withado.wordpress.com  , my faithful FWTH partner, and show her some love!

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Empty Nest…from there to here…Distance

Got five minutes? Let’s write. Let’s write in shades of real and true and unscripted.

 

Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not. Here’s how to play along:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in {you can grab the button in my right side bar}

3. Go leave some comment props for the five minute artist who linked up before you {and if you love us, consider turning off word verification for the day to make it easier for folks to say howdy}

It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week.

This weeks prompt: DISTANCE…

Go…

How do I write for 5 minutes when there are NO WORDS?

      Nothing profound.                                                             

I prayed...I HOPED.

      Nothing inspirational

      Nothing to motivate

I have risen this a.m. UGLY.

Fatigue has enveloped me of late.

                                                   I know I go to bed too late.

                                                   I have begun resenting that I am the alarm clock of a grown man.

I want, just one morning, to be allowed to sleep…

                   then a thought rises, as the sun glares from the screen…

‘If you sleep in you will be UGLY anyway with that new sensation that you’ve somehow lost precious time…’

Precious time to???

Write

Clean

Be ALONE…

Is this empty nest syndrome?

I seek solace in my solitude…and most days I do well.

But this morning….

I’d like to spend the day with my LOVE…but the grown up says

NO.

Wish I could.

The Bills…….

He’s a good, hard working man, with a plan; MY LOVE.

Kiss Good BYE…have a blessed day…

OH and could you….

I used to have a “Career”; sometimes I miss it…

I wanted to work from HOME…I prayed…I hoped...

        I GOT MY BLESSING! GOD ANSWERED….Amazing Grace…

 

This is my NOW career…

I am blessed…I write…I keep our home a home…

I AM BLESSED.

StOP…

Blessings Loves ♥

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I was going to write this morning…

and then a friend questioned something I had decided within myself.

No…not a truth, rather something I had decided had been said by someone else.

I am working out my placement in Christ.

Where exactly He has me and why…

I know the where, yet remain uncertain in my flesh, and I know the why and am ok with that.

Yet there remain…questions, resentments…

things that I think should be. Things that I cannot change and yet, still, I THINK…which does not matter in the larger scheme of things!

So I must focus…

My steps are ordered of the Lord and He delights in my way. Psalm 37:23

Because of this ordering of my steps, God knows where I am going when I begin to Think…

                              ~more highly of myself than I should! Romans 12:1-8

From Paul’s letter to the romans we learn true humility: “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and not all the members have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members one of another.

Sober Judgment…to think and decide with a sound mind.

That is how I end up, now, most times, stopping and considering where I am in my head. What are my motives…

Why exactly do I feel this way…

because silly…You have allowed someone {yourself??} to make you feel lessTHAN.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

I am guilty of jealousy, envy and judgment!

I have decided that someone is smarter than I. I have decided that, that someone(s) spends time thinking about how un-smart I am!

Ahhh the arrogance and self-importance of that decision. I should be so important to others! 🙂

 I say I don’t care about titles…lies!

I want to be somebody that is remembered for something…

Faith and Deeds: James 2:14-24

 ¹⁴ What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? ¹⁵ Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. ¹⁶ If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? ¹⁷ In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

 ¹⁸ But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”

   Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. ¹⁹ You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

 ²⁰ You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless^[a]? ²¹ Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? ²² You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. ²³ And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,”^[b] and he was called God’s friend. ²⁴ You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.

…but do I do those things, the things I want to be remembered for, with the faith of good old Abraham?

                    Sometimes…

 then there are the times that the Andrea just rears her ugly little head and wants the recognition she can garner for herself! { no bold here…because this is the weakness and I don’t want you to see my weakness…} I do not think very highly of myself, way too often.

Therefore I remain so very grateful that my steps are ordered by God, Himself.  When I walk in this truth, God knows that I am going to His Word or to one of His hand chosen Shepards for me…to see me like He sees me.

You see I am on a path, that He has chosen, that I have agreed to walk…{one of my better decisions!} and He guides my steps. Therefore, when I am in trouble, even the troubles I create for myself I go to my God,

                                                                                            and He…sees to those things that concern me. He sees to it that I do not even stub my toes on a rock! Psalm 91:12b

 

I was going to write today…but I became entangled within the disturbance within myself…

…so here I am, doing a 12 Step; Christian style. 😉

Blessings Loves ♥

 

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A Calling and Obedience

Grace

Do you have a calling?

We all do.

Do you know whom that calling is from?

Not all do.

A calling on your life is not your choice of career, or a mother’s choice to be a stay at home mother. It is rather a knowing that these things we choose, these tasks we are passionate about, have something more to them.

Something important.

A calling, a personal passion of a particular talent or task, is our mission here on earth with one another and it is from God. I’d apologize to those who would prefer that I be more politically correct, but if you are here and reading you are acutely aware that I am a Bible Reading, Faith Girl in the Kingdom of God.

For this I will not compromise, nor will I apologize.

Our calling is: “A calling is God’s personal, individual invitation to carry out the unique task he has for you.” as defined by Jack Zavada in his article ‘Is God Calling You: How to Know When God is Calling You.’

So what does one do when they know they are called, but that calling is stopped mid-ministry? When our God Given Gift is stopped by say our Pastor or a leader, for an indeterminate amount of time; or say some life change gets in the way delaying or outright stopping this calling from being used?

God did give each of one of us, known or unknown by the individual, gifts and talents, and scripture says “let them…” in one translation and the NIV says “do it…” .

Romans 12:6-8

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;  if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;  if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

I am in a place where I am not able to utilize my gifts, my calling. Let me correct that, I was not, I have now been afforded the opportunity again to teach, which is just one of my callings!

The other is to write, which I would say to you I am not doing, but I must remind myself that blogging is most definitely writing! 🙂

But it was my leadership role, in my church, that was stopped when our church transitioned to a new pastor, location and name. Not only that, as if that would not be difficult enough on even the most mature of Christians (I am only a 10 year new creation, but mature enough), but the church’s feel or flavor has changed.

Let’s say the Church’s personality changed.

Ok, now what??

Obedience is that NOW WHAT! 

My thoughts were not so New Creation like! I had been obedient for 10 years. I had put in my time to get to the level I was at. I had put in my time!!! Very mature thinking, right! 🙂

Well, like I said, I have been once again afforded the opportunity to teach again, in a home group. My husband and I were asked to host a home group for our newly reformatted church. However, the free reign of the home groups were being reigned in by the new pastor. And while this is not a bad thing, it felt like the personal feel and comfortable-ness of the home groups were being formatted more rigidly.

It was our task to follow the pastors format for the group; we are reading through the Old Testament in a year.

Boring…History…Begats and all…like I said mature!

All that to get here…my I am a long-winded writer!

During today’s reading for our Chapel Street Bible Study (we live on chapel street, aren’t I cute!) tonight one of the required readings was chapter 12, The Call of Abram.

After reading the required chapters I wandered onto Facebook to see who might be hanging about, and there she was my beautiful partner in Christ!  Her and I have been struggling with the many transitions going on in our individual lives. The church’s transition we share. So this morning her status post was a call out to God for ‘just a nugget’, as she does in times such as these. There I was, holding that nugget.

I am always amazed at God’s faithfulness to answer us.

Genesis 12

The Call of Abram

1 The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.

2 “I will make you into a great nation,
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you.”

During this God transition of our church, which I believe is an elevation of our, as a church and individually, of our level in Christ and God’s Kingdom. That elevation, however, is contingent upon our diligent obedience.

Abram was told to leave all he knew; so were the congregants of our church.

He was told to leave his people, his country and his father’s household!

Our church was our home, we had to leave and move on; God was moving us on.

We had to let people we loved and were literally and figuratively family move on to where God led them. We had to leave them to their choices. God was doing something new, with each of us!

We had to leave our country. Now this may be a longshot, but God spoke to me that this was the feel or flavor of our church, the personality. Our old church was pure and unadulterated Bible Based Faith.

Our new church is Bible Based Full Gospel, an expansion upon what we had been. Our territory has been expanded! An awesome thing, yet hard to adjust to.

We had to go to a land (Church) that God showed us. For some that meant not going together, but to another church, while others of us were called to remain and build this new vision with our new pastor.

To reach this new level, we had/have to remain obedient. We must not move until we know God is moving us, no matter what. The rub therein is that that move, we perseve, may not happen. It is my belief that being moved out of a church doesn’t happen to all of us, sometimes we are meant to serve for extended periods of time in one place, helping the pastor fulfill the vision. 

Knowing this is simple, like breathing. Doing this is difficult, like the endurance of holding your breath under water. For me anyway, but stand and serve I will!

So here is Miss Patty’s nugget; she is a mighty woman of faith and intercessory prayer, this I believe is her Calling. And God said to Abram, “I will make your name great and you will be a blessing…and all peoples will be blessed through you.” Genesis 12:2,3.

You see if we are courageous enough to be obedient when everything with in us cries to run to the familiar, He will bless us. It is our obedience to Him, in love, that allows Him to use us the way that He intended.

And He, knowing the end from the beginning, knows that we all will fulfill the calls he has upon our lives.

God has called each one of us to serve, and most of us serve a Pastor or Minister or even a Priest, God’s chosen. And while we, too, are God’s chosen the word does say that none of us can conduct our ministries before first serving under one of God’s anointed leaders. A task in being obedient; even God’s Son, Jesus.

Mark 10:43-45 “Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Obedience, to God and His will, that is how one activates their calling. It is true that only you and God know your calling, and no man can remove it, it also remains true that we must serve under another to have that call or ministry. We must do this cheerfully, in front of men and in private with God, and diligently, with a right heart. 

Difficult when one feels as though their entire world is disintegrating around them.

But God…

All things are possible with God.

Blessings Loves  ♥

Let My Words Be Few Thursday…Grace

 

Let My Words Be Few Thursday

 

“Let My Words be Few” Thursday. “Few Words” Thursday is my attempt at concise and profound writing; where the content touches our Spirits and not just our minds and flesh. I hope this will improve my writing skill set, while deepening my spiritual walk. 

 Leave me a link to your “Let My Words be Few” blog post; it can be about anything you want! The thing is to get to the meat of your post in the fewest words.I will link your post into my “Few Words” posts; and we can discuss and get to know one another. You may use the Thursday photo if you like…it isn’t a button because I have no clue how to do that. 🙂 I’m a writer…not a techie! However, if you would, please manually link the photo to my blog from yours (if you know how) so that your readers can participate too. 

Blessings.

 Grace…

I have written this post a dozen or more times.

Every devotion and sermon heard since Sunday has been about Grace! 

The Lesson…Grace 

The last week has been excruciating for this woman of Faith, and for the momma bear and SELF within her! 

So much is in constant flux in this life, in this walk, in this home and this family. 

It feels like chaos, it feels like ripping and tearing. Surgery with no anesthesia! 

Painful 

My flesh cries for it to stop. 

It demands someone to blame; someone to take the responsibility for these new wounds. 

Grace… 

This was going to be a post on praying for those who hurt you… 

Doing unto others what you would have done… 

The bible says to pray for ones enemies, those who persecute those who hurt us… 

But this is not about that… 

Grace… 

This about stretching and growing in Grace! This time it is about me…what needs change in me… (It hurts so badly – the lacerations of this week………..), and until I extend Grace it will continue to be excruciating. 

A lack of Grace and mercy in me… 

The disturbance in me… 

Grace: the unmerited favor of God. 

Even as my flesh and soul scream at the backwardness sensation this causes in me…I know…I must give grace, I must give mercy to those who have {I perceive have intentionally} inflicted… 

Now to get this down into a heart that has a fortress built against pain and those who {myself?}… 

Dear Grace, 

Thank You, Jesus, for Your Grace {You, the embodiment of Grace} that You’ve extended. Please teach me mercy and grace. If I truly walk in grace, please help me to extend the same. In Your Name. Amen. 

Blessings Loves. ♥ 

Related Articles 

• The Gift . . . Brought Grace (jenniferjanes.wordpress.com)
• The Favor of God…What does that mean? – 1 Corinthians 15:10 (dianneguthmuller.com)
• God’s Grace (anointedplace.wordpress.com)
• Freshly Pressed (fishofgold.wordpress.com)
• How do you spell gratitude? (talesofasojourner.wordpress.com)

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I believe….My Personal Sahara

 

Dry

 

I entered a Dry Season, unknowingly,it crept up on me and seemingly, overnight I was dying…       

Having survived this dry season; I want to say it was six months long. However, looking back, it was probably more like a year ago it began. That’s  when I knew, being the secretary, that we were loosing our church, and likely with it our Pastors‘, to a new call of God on their lives. I was simply unaware I had entered a dry season, because I had never experienced a Dry Season, in my walk with God.        

A year of building anger, sorrow and a deep sense of desolation and abandonment.           

I look back from, feet firmly planted, what feels like well nourished land. I have landed on my spiritual feet, so to speak.           

 I look back.           

 What was the lesson there?           

 I look back at that parched and cracked place that was my heart. I believe that that is where the desert experience, or the dry seasons, occur –  a place in the heart. I look back and I see the dry and cracked ground, the remenants of my “old” heart.           

 Then I think, I cringe, at the thought of having written the word Survived! As if some old wives are going to run in and jinx me! Ah, will the old man never leave this flesh?           

 Obviously I have survived to this place where I, again, feel comforted by my God. This peaceful solitary where I can audibly here my Father’s voice. Where the Word of God soaks in deeply, stirring the very Spirit of God, which is the essence of who I am. The Garden of Eden, where the Word is richly fed and cultivated. Sown into that Good Ground we hear about when we sit comfortably in our usual aisle seats on Sunday mornings.           

 Yet! I want, desperately to take back that word… survived!     

  The ‘what if’ in my flesh begins nagging, maybe I am not done, yet, in that desert place.          

 The ‘what if’ Distraction.          

 Distraction from the very thing God was teaching, preparing me for.           

 The lesson?           

 Survival?           

I have honestly survived much in the short 40 something years of this life. Some things small; some so huge one must believe in miracles and a God who saves.           

Literally SAVES, as in rescues.           

 The Desert!           

 Have I survived the desert? A dry, brutal place. Worse than any clinical depressive state I endured at the urging of heredity. Yes worse than that black swirling vortex of nothingness and depravation.           

 A Dry Season of the Spirit.           

 Because, as a Christian, I had only heard about being dry, because I had only those scriptures in Exodus and Ezekiel that told stories with illustrative analogies to go by, I didn’t realize what was happening. I didn’t recognize the slow progression of dehydration. I attributed the emotions to my heart event, the transition the church was going through and the unfamiliarity of the church we were becoming. I didn’t like the changes, I wasn’t comfortable with these new people, they didn’t know me, my family….           

 Dry Bones… Ezekiel was talking about, illustrating, the desert experience. I believe…        

 What was the lesson?          

 Mine, I believe….          

 “I believe, I believe…It’s silly but I believe”; I hear Natalie Wood‘s sweet voice, in A Miracle on 34th Street, repeat over and over again.           

Matthew 18:3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.           

 I believe…             

My lesson; what I gleened, from my dry place was two fold.            

Trust God with God’s things! Very important.     

A change in Pastors.          

A loss of my Spiritual Parent’s parenting (they are not lost, they are out on a different mission for the Kingdom.).          

 A church move and some of the Church Family moving on.          

These are God things.           

 I, being His human daughter, thought I knew best what should be. I began demanding, of God, to know why, and bucking every change that occurred.      Being me, I envisioned what we would transition into and it was not what God, or the new Pastor had planned.          

 And then the battle began. Long before I even knew I was in a battle.          

 Having been taught well,  I knew the, “touch not My Anointed” deal. As the church secretary that was utmost. I was one of the layers that buffered the Pastors’ during the week and on Sunday morning. Making appointments instead of just allowing anyone with a gripe to infultrate that barrier.           

 But the new Pastor, he didn’t want this. The new Pastor had a new, his own, vision that God gave him. And I had the audacity to come home each day and speak what I thought about that!!!           

 I never considered that our Church had moved up a level. I never considered that the changes were from God. By the time this revelation came I could no longer feel anything spiritually! I had created my Desert Experience.     I felt like I had a terminal illness and that God had left me. Note I said FELT. I knew He had not forsaken or left me….but I nolonger was enjoying His tangible presence.          

 Elvis God had left the building!      My joy was gone…what was I going to do?          

 I was certain I would die.          

 The second thing I learned was that this Desert place was a place of preparation. I learned this as I was leaving the Saharah of my heart!            

You see, God wanted, I believe, to see if I would remain in my place. If I would utilize that tremendous Faith He had instilled in me to trust Him with this, the most important transity life, thus far.Even my heart event, I believe, takes a second seat to the importance of this spiritual transition. In all of my angst, anger and sorrow, would I stay? Would I fulfill the station God had set me in. Would I man my post, in a time when I felt that everything was being taken from me? Just everything, every shread of our Church life was being uprooted, and things I didn’t realized had been lost in the move, including siblings in Christ, (they are not lost either, :), they have moved on to what God has for them. All is well.).           

 Would I remain?          

I didn’t know up to about a week or two ago. Talk about the fence, mine was disintegrating beneath me, like a raw wood slat rail that had weathered too many alternating seasons. My fence could no longer weather any storm. I was broken, dry, barren. I was the weary talked about in the bible.          

I was also the picture of “Stand, and when you can no longer stand….Stand some more!” Unlike Moses, though, I didn’t have an Aaron and Hur to hold my arms up in praise of the LORD. My desert experiencewas a slitary thing, I didn’t feel comfortable burdening my friends with what I was going through, for several reasons. Still, somehow, crying and screaming I stood! Crying out and praying I managed to continued to praise, but it was all the more painful when the music didn’t get in…     

This is how that felt…     

 

 Somehow I got the breakthrough.           

 How?           

 Many times a dry season is to push one to repentence.           

 I believe…           

 I believe mine was for me to give up, yet another family, to God, for God. Long story, being from a fractured family; fractured by mental illness, divorce, abuse of all kinds and then addictions, my family seems, feels, nust be gone, at a distance. A long distance. Therefore there was a sense of deep abandonment that resurfaced in this dry place. There is a reality of abandonment in my past, so I didn’t understand why it was, suddenly returning. The God I knew did not operate in this fashion!           

 I felt as if none of this was of God…for the longest time. I couldn’t see God in the changes, the transitions that were occurring in many areas of my life, simultaneously. Yet, I stood. I remained still, knowing God was God.           

 So I survived …or was I victorious, or…           

 Have I been sent to the next level? Or all of the above?           

 I have to say, I don’t know. I’ve, through this dry experience, learned to leave God things to God.           

 That fact of the matter, to my joy,  this heart is being soaked again. This heart and this spirit can hear my God again.           

 I believe I was being prepared for what God had prepared for me. I’m not sure what that is, but I have a hope. I know God planned for me to have a hope, prosper and nothing can harm me. That is as long as I be still and know that He is God. As long as I hold my post, as meanial and lowly as it feels. As long as I am obedient to the call that God has on my life.           

 I’m going to stay in Ephesus. Here is a great article, it was the first thing that spokecontaining the very quiestions I had been worrying like a bonebefore I saw the edge of the forest from the Sahara.           

 I read today a great post over at Sarah Markely’s blog: A Loose Grip: On Loosing a Home. I’ve lost my home, my first home…someday I’ll give my salvation testamony and you will understand better. I lost the Home God literally told me was mine: our Church.            

Sarah talks about letting go of the things that we find vital in a home…            

the laughter            

the mural your son drew just about the toy box            

the old comfortable chair…(on the aisle)            

She described how we attach our emotions, our feelings, sometimes to inadament things…like the walls of the room where laughter reigned; as if somehow the sound of our joy was encapsulated in the paint and sheet rock, stored for eternity.            

She revealed my horders heart, in her post, in her sweet by raw way. I love her unashamed honesty. Go here, read, and then love on her. She is irrestibly lovable.            

I was hording memories…and as Steven Furtick said in this sermon: Get Back #1: You cannot build on yesterdays memories.            

So, I am boxing up those memories. Storing away all the pictures of RLFC’s greatest times, to look at when I can handle them. And I am going to hold those things that I am having trouble giving up, loosely, so that when the time comes for them to be packed, or discarded or given to one who would benefit more from them, I will be able to let them go.            

For now, I am grateful to my God, that I have come out of the dry season. I still have issues, but I am working those selfish things out with Him.            

I am grateful to be out, and me again. Even if I am still, simply standing in the first shade of the lush copse of Cyprus; still within reach of that arid, cracked desert.            

I see my Sahara, and like that depressive vortex of hell, I never want to return there.            

So it is to the next thing I go.            

To this new thing God is doing.            

Expecting God to guide me.            

Expecting the blessings that Father always gives His kids.            

Because I believe…I believe…it is VERY important that I believe.            

After all it really is the only rule…            

I believe…            

　            

1 John 5:4-6 (New International Version, ©2011)            

4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.            

6 This is the one who came by water and blood—Jesus Christ. He did not come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth.            

Here are some Scriptures on Spiritual Dryness for reference:

John 1:1,14; Jude 4; Romans 5:1; Habakkuk 2:4; Jeremiah 17:19

Blessings Loves ♥

　            

　   

        

          

   

     

       

   

  

    

   

 

         

 

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Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

   

Let My Words Be Few

 

I had every intention of beginning a Let My Words Be Few Thursdays theme, here at HOPEannFAITH…  

You know, a few profound lines of wisdom and encouragement, mixed well with Scripture. A determined effort to say the most, with the least words {not an easy task for this long-winded writer…}.  

Alas, this post won’t fit in the “few words” category. It does, however, fulfill the profound, for me.  

I’ll begin  “ Let My Words Be Few Thursday” next week, the first Thursday in February! I hope you will join me. Until then..  

 Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. Psalm 139  

“You are the God Who sees me.” for she {Hagar} said, “I have now seen the ONE who sees me” Genesis 16:13  

I find it comforting that I found a Genesis scripture right now, because 2011 is My Wholeness year, a new beginning!  

It’s my 46th birthday. I got up this morning and one of my first thoughts, in the silence before the Men’s Club bustle began, was this: “They’re not going to call.”   

Sadly, “they” are my parents.  

There it was, once again, in my face, on my birthday! Like every year, for as long as I can remember. The first beat of this heart on “my” day, aching and sorrowful, to ruin my birthday. I was about to play the old “poor me” tapes….  

NO! I stop myself. I’ve been working on this, with God, setting boundaries. The no longer enjoyed my permission to affect my heart, my spirit or my family. I had set this boundary, and to my amazement it was kicking in, today!  

I determined I would not sit and wait and feel abandoned, yet again, for their phone calls.   

The bustle of a morning with 5″ of wet snow began, and my men began preparing for their work day. My husband called from his place in front kitchen fire, “Happy Birthday, Beautiful”. My sweet man, I doubt my beauty even as he professes it, daily.   

Coffee, key searches and Dachshund walks done and the last man, my eldest son { just 25 on Monday} leans over and kisses my cheek and leaves for work. A peaceful silence falls as that snowday sunlight; seemingly more shiny and more sparkly for its reflection off the snow crystals, shines through my thrift store lace curtains.  I’m new to enjoying the silence and serenity of being alone.  

Then the thought of my worthlessness, the ache for my parents to remember, care, love, creeps in, bringing Self-doubt with it. I push it away and open my e-mail. I go through the bevy of devotional and motivational blog e-mails I have signed up for and begin deleting the ones that don’t speak to me. This too is new to me, I promised myself that I would regulate myself to following just 3 blogs in 2011,  because I had developed a guilt for deleting them. Yes, guilt, I felt guilty for not reading every inspirational woman’s post that I received! Maybe because I write and believe I owe them for their inspiration, or because I think someday I will need it. So I had to teach myself to delete the ones that God doesn’t speak through, to me, any given day!  

O’ see how I digress…can anyone say WORDY!  

I come to the e-mail from Proverbs 31 Ministries and open it.   

When the One You Doubt is You by T. Suzanne Eller: {go and give her the love she deserves for encouraging us!}  

As I read the title, I know God sent this post is for me, {Like I said, I read the ones that SPEAK to me.} through Suzanne, for my birthday!   

Odd, right? Self-Doubt!  

Not odd at all, this is the way of  my quality time with Father God. 🙂  

You see, when I got up every fiber of my flesh wanted a pity party on my birthday, like every year. I silently refused my flesh, sat down with my coffee and opened the e-mail devotion.  

I think to myself, as I sip my hot, smooth Folgers, ‘How does she know? I mean she doesn’t know…ahhh, but God does, and He uses His Jesus Girls to feed and comfort and encourage each other! 🙂 God is good that way.   

In the post Suzanne says [my wording]:  

Self doubt can confound and consume us,  or it can be a path to honestly assessing why “doubt” is there and what can be done about it, with God.  

It’s like Suzanne is reading my journal, I glance to my side and there it is…  

I have been diligently working on what can be done, about many of life’s issues, with God. For a loooonnng time.  

Then Suzanne opens my lunch box! She shares a childhood event of a friend, Lysa TerKeurst, that causes deep self-doubt and what it spun 😉 in her life.  

‘Twirling’ for father’s approval, to no avail.  

I had done the same exact thing!   

I can see the event in my mind {until now it didn’t have the heading of event, now I knew that was precisely what it was.}. That day, that event, was the day my daddy scarred my ‘little girl’ spirit. ~ I was dancing and twirling for my father, in a homemade dress; my mother made our clothes then ( a throw back to the 50’s, she was!) and  “when daddy gets home…”…  

When daddy came home, my baby sister ( I was about 3) and I were dressed to the nines, in lace and frills.   

This day, my beautiful, petite baby sister on his lap, my daddy broke my little girl. He shattered that excited “daddy’s home!” pink little heart.   

As I twirled and danced and giggled with glee and went to jump onto his other knee,  his response was a harsh, “Sit down, you are too big for that! Sit down and be a big girl.” And he readjusted the baby, cradling her in the crook of his arm (she was about 1).  

Today, as the tears fall on my 46th birthday, I have found the root of a lifetime of self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy, even worthlessness.   

ೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋ  

We live in a world that twists the meanings of the languages that God created for us, {this has ALWAYS made this writer crazy angry.}.  

Self-doubt is not self awareness, meekness or ever humility.  

Self-doubt is, in fact, an unhealthy twist on humility; a distraction from our dreams and God’s will and direction for our lives.  

Suzanne provided some good questions we can ask ourselves as we do that healthy self assessment in regard to the what, when, why and who of the self-doubt that exists within us:  

Do I have a valid reason to doubt?  

Is my doubt due to a particular person(s)?  

Is my doubt  due to something in my past?  

Is it the enemy causing me to doubt?  

So, this morning as I pondered the amazing amount of White showing through my Red hair, making me look dusty, I contemplated having the courage to let the red grow out to see just how white it was {God has apparently  honored my request for white hair, like my great-grandmother Godwin}. I realize, again, that I am 4 years to 50.   

A half century of life!  

Amazing!   

I read the part about Lysa’s memories…and then immediately wrote a poem, I’m hoping…No! I faithfully know that this breakthrough is going to mean health to my body, spirit and mind.  I’m excited as I have a goal I am working on, and this experience today feels like God saying: You are of Beautiful Worth and You are going to succeeded!   

The Father’s Delight  

There was a child,  

Small and full of light,  

She twirled and twirled,  

Seeking father’s delight.  

The sun shone in,  

The window pane,  

No matter the sorrow,  

No matter the shame.  

The little girl grew,  

Twirling dizzily each year,  

Twirling and dancing,  

Seeking and yearing with fear.  

The Son shone into  

Her heart aching with pain,  

He eased the sorrow,  

And took her shame.  

She danced, again a child of light,  

Her heart full of joy.  

She twirls and twirls…  

To The Father’s Delight.  

A wonderful woman who read this story today reminded me of an incredible video by Mercy Me ~ Beautiful. I thought I’d add it here, even though this post is long! 😉

Blessings Loves ♥  

Andrea  

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Being Still and Knowing God is God No Matter Where I Am in Me.

As I stand at the center of my chaotic life, I wonder…

with amazement that there is a calm. Yet I wander off kilter from time to time, causing the unsettling symptoms of vertigo. Standing, unsteadily , as the camera pans in ever quickening and expanding circles, my stomach turns over and over with the stress of it all. “STOP!” my overburdened mind begs. ” I want off of  this carnival merry- go- round!” As I look down at myself at the center of it all, I realize  it is  not a harmless merry-go-round, but the terrifying heights of the  ferris wheel, creeking and groaning, stuck at the very top and the vertigo sways my stomach once again.

So much has occured this summer. Illness, captivity, lonliness, frustration, loss, and anger, always anger, tempered somehow with joy, success, fellowship and healing. Like I said chaios.  

So why is my life this way? Why does this part of the transition of my life seem so very unstable? I don’t know, but this lack of control over my own life is testing me to my very core. Coming from a middle aged woman who has survived so much abuse and adversity that is saying a lot.

I know that I have been given all the things necessary for life and Godliness, that I have been given all things necesary for life and life more abundantly. I have and enjoy the very favor of God.  So I guess it’s the Godliness that I am learning here…because life is what it is, one must just flow and remain in Christ to endure that.

What exactly is Godliness? Let’s be honest only God, and Jesus, because He was God, even while on the earth, are capable of true Godliness!

Godliness is denoting character and conduct determined by the principle of love or fear of God in the heart, is the summing up of genuine religion. There can be no true religion without it: only a dead “form” (2 Timothy 3:5).

Numbers 14:24 “my servant Caleb, because he had another spirit with him, and hath followed me fully, him will I bring into the land whereinto he went; and his seed shall possess it.” Caleb is a portrait of Godliness; and there were many, He trusted God and moved forward in that. I relate to Caleb, I was even told, by my first Pastor, that I had his tenaciousness very early in my walk. No matter what I pride myself on doing what I know to do, whether I feel it or not, whether it appears to be working or not. God is God, no matter my circumstance…that is the mantra. That is the Truth of the matter.

Godliness is equated to living as closely as one can to God’s Word. I try, but at times like this, when I weary and am too alone, all of the time, I waiver. It’s okay, right? I mean God made me who I am and I am only human, so it’s okay to let go sometimes and just wallow in my sorrow and mire. Right? right? feel sorry for myself and my situation…No. It isn’t alright. It isn’t Godliness, it isn’t even trying.

The bible says that God’s grace is enough for me. I say God’s grace is enough for me, so I stand back up…like in Ezekiel’s vision in chapter 2:1 and 2 “…He said to me, “Son of man, stand up, and I will speak to you.” As he spoke to me, the Spirit entered me, stood me on my feet, and I heard him speaking to me.”

I’ve stated here, many times, that I am blessed to audibly hear the Lord. Call me crazy, many do, but one thing you  cannot prove to me, you cannot take from me, is that I hear God. No one can take that from me, no one. So I can relate to that scripture.When I stand firm God speaks to me, clearly. 

God’s voice is peaceful and calm, described poetically in the bible, as that “still small voice”.

In fact God is the very origin of peace and calm; still (whisper/calm) small (fine) voice (noise).

When I am anxious, fearful or angry, the voice yelling in me is not God (trying to get my attention), he does not operate that way. The noise in my head is probably me, preventing myself from hearing from God. The Word says he does not leave nor forsake us, so in these times when we feel seperated from God, we aren’t. We just are not calm enough or peaceful enough to hear Him!

In 1 Kings 19 God showed up to speak to Elijah. You see Elijah was running from Jezabel who had vowed to kill him, lets just relate Jezabel to life’s struggles, he was tired and emotionally spent and said to God: “I’ve had enough now Lord. Take my life! I’m no better than my ancestors.” and with that he lay down under a tree and slept.

Sounds very much like life got the best of him. Seems fear, depression and discouragement got the best of good ole Elijah! Much like in our walk through the more difficult, even tragic circumstances of life. Later after an angel ministered to him and he traveled for 40 days it was then  God spoke to Elijah, and Elijah could finally hear His voice.

Isn’t that the truth. When I indulge in depression and discouragement they take over and the experience for many can be quite a long time. Well in that time God does bring help, but because we have submitted to the sin, it takes time for the ministering to get through. More often than not because we are quite finished with our pitty party. Thank goodness our God is faithful to finish the work He began in us.

So the Lord said to Elijah, “Go out and stand in front of the Lord on the mountain.” As the Lord was passing by, a fierce wind tore mountains and shattered rocks ahead of the Lord. But the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind came an earthquake. But the Lord wasn’t in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was a fire. But the Lord wasn’t in the fire. And after the fire there was a quiet, whispering voice. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his coat, went out, and stood at the entrance of the cave. Then the voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

You see, even Elijah, a mighty man and prophet of God got bogged down by fear and depression…and if you read 1 Kings 18 you will come to know that this was immediately, IMMEDIATELY after a great victory for Elijah. The decent was that fast!

At the end of the day Elijah was a man, like you and I; there is even scripture that says exactly that. Even Jesus, while here on earth, experienced the human feelings and constraints we experience in our day to day lives. We see Him cry out to Father God in the garden of Gethsemane, to remove the burden He is bearing.

Both men though, Elijah slowly, and Jesus immediately were calm and heard from God. In the peace and calm that we develope within a God reverential lifestyle we can not only hear, but understand and accept the processes of our growth in Christ.

So why is my life so frustrating right now? Healing in my body and apparently other areas of my life is taking place. I am learning to live and function on another level. I am learning to rely solely upon God for my life, my Godliness and my abundance. So I’m guessing that I have to be content with my life as it is now because it will lead to the desires of my heart, where I will be more fruitful for the kingdom.

Life is not fair. I dread the lonliness and detest the emotions and weakness therein that I feel too often. I am frustrated by the captivity of no car and restricted health (although both are very, very temporary).

So I stop, gather my wits and begin again. I will learn to be content with where I am in life and in Christ, so that I can have the fullness of the Godliness that God has for me.

I wrote this awhile back:

Selah
“The peaceful, silent pause, in the music of my life, wherein I hear God.” ADH™

That is where I need to learn to be…in that silent pause…<3

Blessings Loves